Beliefs

Milestones along life's highways necessitate acknowledgement. Fifty years of life seems to be one such occasion. An inventory taken at a specific time allows one to create an icon in time and space. None of us have the knowledge of time left to us or understand where we are in relationship to creation. All that seems to be indisputable is that we are a relatively young life form on the evolutionary scale of the universe. Given this fact it becomes reasonably evident that we are not fashioning a proficient method of living. When our thinking and acting are closely examined they appear to be deranged. Inordinate amounts of time and energy are used in the furtherance of ideals that are based on a number of basic delusions that to an extent effect every one of us. The delusions seem to revolve around unfounded fears dealing in fundamental terms with control and powerlessness faulty perspectives inherited from our primary caregivers who inherited them from there primary caregiver which retreat into the mists of time ad infinitum. These delusions seem to stem from a compulsive urge to control one's destiny and those surrounding you. These feelings stem from our obsessional beliefs in emotional security and financial security. This delusion is used to mitigate the inescapable fact that we all die and hence these obsession also die at the graveside. It is possible that these self same obsessions hasten that day.<br /> Perhaps it was my belief and actions in following the insane acts of materialism that forced me to reappraise my position in life. Slowly I came to believe that not only was I deranged so was everyone else with only one notable exemption, Jesus Christ who had been judicially murdered two thousand years previously for holding similar beliefs. This basic knowledge that started as a small germ infected me. It was this single germ of reason. The dawning belief in a twelve step program that unconditionally started to displace all my value systems. The only description of how I felt was as if I had become a full bucket of water My life felt as if it was being displaced as if an object the truth or truth objects were being dropped into it .The water it forced out by this displacement of the truth was stale, old and stinking half formed concepts Therefore this one simple act caused me to change over time all my old belief systems.<br /> So that one act could over time cause the total displacements of my materialistic beliefs. I came to believe that the only choice I had without alcohol was to be restored to sanity. I asked for explanations of life and death of creation and I received explanations that were reasonable and clear. These explanations would take me years to understand but they were given freely to me. When I asked for them. The trouble was I didn’t realise that derangement was a basic human condition that everyone was deranged the degrees of this insanity differed and could best be described as a common delusion that appeared to offer comfort to people who followed similar materialistic delusions. The false delusion that money, relationships would bring happiness on a permanent basis freely with no cost to the recipient seemed to be the delusion that fueled the compulsions and obsessions that attached themselves like a parasite to its host.<br />This belief in my own insanity was to cause me, still causes me immense pain caused by the weight and enormity of the burden that I had asked for restoration of some thing that had never existed before sanity, I had asked for life without delusion this I would now have believe to be an insane act and nevertheless there appears to be, over a period of fourteen years' answers and definitely a pattern of recovery that does not appear to relate to me. This form of recovery seems to have its own dynamics. However we live in a mislead society so where did these answers come from. It can only have been from the many distinct groups that I had joined. I did not know that the act of joining a group of people who struggled to resolve there emotional problems threw understanding the twelve step program and the participation within the group was the act that would alter my perception of people and consequently release me from the addictive dis-eases that had obsessed me here was the place that I could medicated my dysfunctional self-centredness of belonging to or owning other people the pain this caused me I self medicated with the abuse of alcohol. <br />The knowledge that I would truly understand that I was powerless over people and events inside my life was the act that would free me from a fundamental fallacy that I owned some form of power over other people. This fact was to allow me to stop the dysfunctional actions of trying constantly to control people, places and things inside my life where I falsely perceived I actually could exercise control, to constantly attempt to fit a square peg in a very round hole. I had to accept this or die, as long as I believed that I had control I would remain mislead living a lie. When I stopped drinking I was taking an action that was to make a profound change in my life. It uncovered my basic dysfunction that I shared with the rest of humanity but could not come to terms with, the wants and needs to control others in a wide variety of situations. Was this knowledge exclusive. I believe not but I believe the restoration process to be unique series of events. This has consolidated itself into a system of beliefs.<br /> Sanity, full possession of faculties, a normal mental condition. Yes, that is the definition of sanity but what is normal, and what had been normal before human being had become a materialist. I was about to find out. One thing I knew that my life had become highly abnormal. The weird and insecure life I lead was as if I had left the planet and I felt I had to be reinvented. To an extent I had I was living in a different country but living inside the same head .If I was to be reinvigorate who or what were my beliefs going to be. These beliefs arrived in many different ways carried by a host of differing people from priests to murderers.<br />The message is not complete, but the belief is. The belief is that within each and every person are the blue prints of the human race not only the blueprints but the plans for all creation. The god of genesis spread himself into creation this spreading is still taking place and instead of being at day seven of creation we are in fact at day three and half. We are all born with this enlightenment who ever we are, but we are taught to ignore this reality. The sad fact is that most people feel they’ve been robbed of something. THE SOUL IS OUR CONSCIOUSNESS. <br />Our ability of being able to communicate is the soul of god. How I have come to believe has been threw transference. My understanding is in attempting to communicate with other human beings using our internal voice. We are introduced to a God consciousness, a feeling of charity. These communications have proved to me that God is very much alive the problem is in interpreting the transmission in human terms, it's not to do with the exterior world. It's to about how we communicate with our interior world it's about how we talk internally with ourselves articulating with the external using two different languages.The language we talk to ourselves on the inside is not the same as our external communication, communicating with ourselves is not the same as communicating with others. Love thy neighbour takes on a whole different meaning if you examine this basic belief that we belong to one being that being is defused into the general population that’s right you’ve got it everyone and everything is god but its in the transmission of the communication that the miracle becomes apparent. There is only one communication and that is in the diffusion of god .God is not an all powerful being he is the sum of the parts much more of an inexact science . A being that is by its existence constantly changing and yet the messages it relays to humanity are constant over time and place. Incredibly simple yet in number as complex as the divergent actions that are dictated by people.Why should you think of another person as if it were yourself and why should you love that person. Full possession of faculties means wholeness a complete understanding of the parts and how they function I believe we are very close to this understanding and that co-dependency is an over or wrongly developed instinct to complete this action in an inappropriate way. Not wrong in itself but wrong in the obsessive nature in which it is inappropriately used. <br />This use can become pathological in that the recipient believes that the search method is the goal and not the means to that goal. That goal is the need to communicate with another person, a need to learn the language of love. A language of charity goodwill to all people because our essence is inside all people that essence is god of our understanding the unique creation. I use the word creation rather than creator as the action is constantly expanding.<br /> If I am correct that these communications are all important and that the interaction between the neurones in one persons brain is similar to the interaction in some one else’s brain then the communications that are taking place in one brain is similar to the transmissions in the other brains. As I understand the basic structure is simple . The neurones work in parallel inside the brain that is a single brain, but what happens then these neurones communicate in a larger scenario what happens, what do they create a chaos .Well yes sometimes, but not always. If the normal chit chat is stemmed the co-dependent chatter what is left is the underlying message which start to convey clearly .Well perhaps its the language of feelings the chemical language of the brain maybe the chemical surges of the charged neurones are the connection a language of the brain and when we communicate in this way we actual touch soul to soul . In practicable terms there is a different feeling to this form communication cleaner more simplistic. A feeling of peace and serenity.<br /> This transmission of feelings becomes a more exact science when it is practised in a group environment. It is in direct contrast to our usual masking process of attempting to guess what message the recipient requires and how we are to present this message to gain acceptance. This delusion or game that we attempt to play takes an inordinate amount of time, creativity and energy. The game that we play tends to deplete us because it takes immense amounts of attentioninal energy. The results always cause us a depletion of spiritual resources we always feel tired and apprehensive inasmuch as our perceived skills make us feel inadequate since they are based on our internal world attempting to falsify or present a untrue facade to our external world. Our attempts at guessing the results are inevitably wrong. This fact causes us to try ever harder to make our perceptions come true. The ability to arrest this compulsive form of behaviour releases us from the enigma of our past. The guilt and shame of not being able to control others actions or indeed there thoughts gradually leave us. This inbuilt feature of our life the need to indulge in codepenancy will constantly struggle to reawaken and needs perpetual monitoring. There appears to be scientific basis for my belief in the big bang theory of a higher power in the work of a Russian Semyon Kirklain. Who has found that the Kirlian effect a measurable bioplasma field that is attached to a large number of animate and inanimate objects, human ,animal, vegetable. This invisible energy field exists in parallel with the physical world. The argument is that whist objects are not alive they are all made from the same building blocks as everything else in the universe, including ourselves. According to the bigbang theory, all matter comes from the same common source, and therefore could share the same internal energy. Kirklain photography of the bioplasmatic fields can be reproduced in laboratory conditions, allowing serious analysis of the results.<br />There can be fluctuations in the energy fields that correlate to the spiritual health of the recipient object and imprinting appears to take place from one object to another. This would support my view of higher power force that is diffused within not only the population but amongst all created matter and that effects on this created matter are influenced by human ,animal and vegetable "feelings." Which either strengthen or weaken this field. Physical sickness, mental ill health and chronic dysfunctional behaviour have a negative price to be paid by this life force . Which lead to depressive illnesses a depression or lessening of this life force? This could mean that the brain actually produces a measurable effect in that the efficacy is measurable in its influence on others and the its environment either negatively or positively. <br />So much for the twentieth century my beliefs stem from the beginnings of time and I have come to believe that there have been specific messengers such as Bonhoffer in the more recent past. The messenger that I intuitively feel has more to say about co-dependency and its misuse is a thirty year old carpenter from Isreal. The message has stood the test of time but not the interpretation. The interpretations are clearly acknowledged by the gospel according to St Luke. Firstly Luke makes a strong connection between the first human being and Jesus. He also states that Jesus was self-possessed by the spirit after starving for forty days in a wilderness. At the end of this period Jesus totally abandons the world of materialism. He realises he will be deluded by accepting the false promises of the material world. The promise that more material wealth will bring spiritual growth."Turn stone to bread." Interestingly Jesus reply to this temptation is to answer that he is sustained by his communication with his spirit an internal communication renouncing external wish fulfillment.He was shown the habitable world in a twinkling of an eye this was an astonishing thing to say in Jesus time . Now with the advent of television and the computer internet its very simple to be shownthe habiable world in the twinkling of an eye . We are still told that it is possible to take possession of the material world or rather the best bits.Amazingly we still believe this deception which is pumped out in almost all advertising promotions .Jesus was expressly offered this delusion. The false premise that you can control everything. His temptation to use spiritual powers in the furtherance of a material life were renounced and his tempter stood off waiting to tempt him latter. In the terms of my belief it's the renouncement of co-dependency and the knowledge that it will return in many different appearances threw out my life that interest me. This renouncement of co-dependency by Jesus fills him with spiritual power. He directly shares this new found wisdom in the most public places. He speaks of transference with the spirit of god and that they can be free and fulfil the promises of the spirit. He says that first he had to heal himself and that spiritual messages primarily come to the outcast in Jesus' day the leper in twentieth century terms the H.I.V sufferer. Nobody in his own village wishes to hear his new found faith and they throw him out.<br />What's happened to this outcast carpenter that fills him with authority,ability,wieght and power. Where did this new found power come from . I believe that Jesus in the desert accomplished a perfect version of the twelve steps and I also believe that he was born far from complete it was the renouncing and rebuilding in the desert at around thirty years of age that gave him this power and authority. He stated that lepers had the communications from god. Why , because they were forced into a abandoning the material world. The material world hated lepers because they showed the delusions of life for what they were. False,Jesus proceed to do miracles. What are these miracles? casting out demons. He deals in a healing manner with the mentally ill.He communicates, shares directly with the illness, he facilitates health. The people get well on the basis of shared experience.What do we have in common he asks the mentally ill.After teaching or healing he has to retreat into solitude to be able to communicate with his inner self. He says over and over again you must be remade and reborn into the spiritual life it is not possible to hold on to partially formed concepts.

Beliefs

Milestones along life's highways necessitate acknowledgement. Fifty years of life seems to be one such occasion. An inventory taken at a specific time allows one to create an icon in time and space. …

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For some people Earth is where they really ought to spend their time. For others, perhaps the fantasy world is the only decent place available.

<div class="zemanta-img" style="text-align: left;"> <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Everyone_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="English: ESRB "Everyone" rating symb..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted zemanta-img-configured" height="186" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/05/Everyone_large.png/350px-Everyone_large.png" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="350" /></a></div> <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">When people spend dozens of hours weekly at their computers, or on the internet, or playing video games, it is almost certain that some other activities will suffer. The question is, when does this behaviour warrant the label 'addiction'? Addiction is a strong word, calling for both renunciation on the part of the subject and forceful intervention by others ... a behaviour becomes problematic when, and only when, it degrades other important things in life. A 60-hour-a-week compulsive EverQuest user who fails to speak to his own children when they come home from school is engaging in problematic behaviour. But consider the same user, living alone, with all his friends being online and in the game - is his devotion of time to cyberspace problematic? In the end we can only judge whether presence in the virtual world is good or bad by reference to the ordinary daily life of the person making the choice to go there. For some people Earth is where they really ought to spend their time. For others, perhaps the fantasy world is the only decent place available.</span>

For some people Earth is where they really ought to spend their time. For others, perhaps the fantasy world is the only decent place available.

When people spend dozens of hours weekly at their computers, or on the internet, or playing video games, it is almost certain that some other activities will suffer. The question is, when does this b…

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The Disease model of addiction

The Disease model of addiction is probably the most controversial and debated topic in the entire field of substance abuse/addiction. One would have to be well informed on the subject to even attempt to understand the controversy intelligently. This site will not claim to know for sure one way or the other (disease/not disease) but will present a little of both sides of the on going debate with in the professional circles. <br />First, we must accurately define Disease, since when the word disease is mentioned most think of something like cancer, aids, heart, etc., something which can be isolated in part and extracted from the body and visibly viewed and observed by the eye under a microscope or other apparatus. This is not the case with the "disease of alcoholism/addiction" or at least not at this time. <br />According to Webster's Dictionary disease is defined as follows:<br />"Disease: Any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady; illness; disorder." Then we must go on to define concept as well, which according to Webster's is: "Concept: A notion, thought, or idea." <br /><br />This popular model of addiction is credited to E.M. Jellinek who presented a comprehensive disease model of alcoholism in 1960. The World Health Organization acknowledged alcoholism as a serious medical problem in 1951, and the American Medical Association declared alcoholism as a treatable illness in 1956. Following Jellinek's work, the American Psychiatric Association began to use the term disease to describe alcoholism in 1965, and the American Medical Association followed in 1966. <br />As with many concepts and theoretical models in the addiction field, the disease concept was originally applied to alcoholism and has been generalized to addiction to other drugs as well. The "disease of addiction" is viewed as a primary disease. That is, it exists in and of itself and is not secondary to some other condition. This is in contrast to the psychological model of Dual Diagnosis , which addictive behavior is seen as secondary to some psychological condition. <br /><br />Arguments Against the Validity of the Disease Concept <br />As earlier stated, the disease concept is controversial and not without critics. Two well-known critics are Stanton Peele and Herbert Fingarette, both of whom have written books, as well as articles disputing the disease concept of addiction. <br /><br />Since the disease concept is attributed to Jellinek, a lot of criticism has been directed at his research, which was the basis for his conclusions about the disease concept. Jellinek's data were gathered from questionnaires that were distributed to AA members through its newsletter, "The Grapevine". Of 158 questionnaires returned, 60 were discarded because members had pooled and averaged their responses, and no questionnaires from women were used. <br />Jellinek himself acknowledged that his data was limited. Therefore, one might wonder why Jellinek's concept of the disease of alcoholism received such widespread acceptance. One reason is that the disease concept is consistent with the philosophy of AA, which is by far the largest organized group dedicated to help for alcoholics. Secondly, as Peele noted: <br />"The disease model has been so profitable and politically successful that it has spread to include problems of eating, child abuse, gambling, shopping, premenstrual tension, compulsive love affairs, and almost every other form of self-destructive behavior... From this perspective, nearly every American can be said to have a disease of addiction." <br />Herbert Fingarette goes on to state that the alcohol industry itself contributes to forming a public perception of alcoholism as a disease, as a marketing ploy: <br />"By acknowledging that a small minority of the drinking population is susceptible to the disease of alcoholism, the industry can implicitly assure consumers that the vast majority of people who drink are not at risk. <br />This compromise is far preferable to both the old temperance commitment to prohibition, which criminalized the entire liquor industry, and to newer approaches that look beyond the small group diagnosable as alcoholics to focus on the much larger group of heavy drinkers who develop serious physical, emotional, and social problems."<br />There are many other criticisms of the disease concept, however we will not go in to them at this time. Instead we will review some of the evidence to support the disease concept.<br />Arguments Endorsing the Disease Concept <br />Since the introduction of the disease concept research studies have examined a possible genetic link in alcoholism/addiction. One such study demonstrates that the offspring of alcoholics are approximately three to five times more likely to develop alcoholism than offspring of non-alcoholics . <br />However, the genetic influence on other drug addiction has received less research attention. Also, in 1983, there was a popular theory of alcohol addiction expressed by D.L. Ohlms in his book "The Disease Concept of Alcoholism" that proposed that alcoholics produced a highly addictive substance called THIQ during the metabolism of alcohol. <br /><br />THIQ<br />is normally produced when the body metabolizes heroin and is supposedly not metabolized by non-alcoholics when they drink. According to Ohlms, animal studies have shown that a small amount of THIQ injected into the brains of rats will produce alcoholic rats and that THIQ remains in the brain long after an animal has been injected. Therefore, the theory is that alcoholics are genetically predisposed to produce THIQ in response to alcohol, that the THIQ creates a craving for alcohol, and that the THIQ remains in the brain of the alcoholic long after the use of alcohol is discontinued. <br />This would provide a physiological explanation for the fact that recovering alcoholics who relapse quickly return to their previous use patterns. More recent research on genetic causes of alcoholism has focused on some abnormality in a dopamine receptor gene and deficiencies in the neurotransmitter serotonin or in serotonin receptors. <br /><br />As you can see from the above information there is still room for debate and the controversy continues.

The Disease model of addiction

The Disease model of addiction is probably the most controversial and debated topic in the entire field of substance abuse/addiction. One would have to be well informed on the subject to even attempt …

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Affirmations

Good things come my way. I hold each one close because I deserve it. <br />I am grateful for all that I am. <br />I am enough and I have enough. <br />My direction and path in life become clear to me through my higher power.

Affirmations

Good things come my way. I hold each one close because I deserve it. I am grateful for all that I am. I am enough and I have enough. My direction and path in life become clear to me through my higher …

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Alan Davies started taking drugs when he was 15 years old

Alan Davies started taking drugs when he was 15 years old, he started on Cannabis, then went on to Tamazepan and finally on to Heroin:<br />"I thought I was a successful drug user as I was very well organised in the way I stole and cheated even from my friends, to get the money to pay for drugs.<br /><br />"I could afford to use heroin and in my mind this gave me status as a drug user. I was top dog."<br /><br />His habit lasted for 20 years, he has been clean for a number of years although he doesn't count how many.<br /><br />"I take every day as it comes. I don't want to count how many days I've gone with out drugs, I don't need to. I am trying to be positive and help others move away from using drugs."<br /><br />Alan now works closely with the Redcar and Cleveland Drug Forum which he helped to set up.<br /><br />He is busy promoting a book which he hopes will be available in schools, libraries and and prisons.<br /><br />"It's called Gary's Friends, another former drug user, and it features lots of people who are addicted. <br /><br />"It doesn't glamorise drug taking and hopefully it will put loads of people off experimenting."

Alan Davies started taking drugs when he was 15 years old

Alan Davies started taking drugs when he was 15 years old, he started on Cannabis, then went on to Tamazepan and finally on to Heroin:"I thought I was a successful drug user as I was very well organis…

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Trading Addiction (Gambling)

<div class="zemanta-img" style="text-align: left;"> <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Tokyo_Racecourse_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Gambling odds reflect the average bettor's 'de..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted zemanta-img-configured" height="263" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/07/Tokyo_Racecourse_3.jpg/350px-Tokyo_Racecourse_3.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="350" /></a></div> <br /><br /><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">An addiction occurs when an activity provides a strong source of stimulation that, over time, leads to psychological and sometimes physical dependence. We generally label a behaviour as an addiction when people seek out the activity even in the face of demonstrable negative consequences. It is the inability to stop the activity when those consequences interfere with life that marks any addiction.<br /><br />Let's look at the facts:<br /><br />According to research cited by the National Council on Problem Gambling, 2 million adults (1% of the population) meet the diagnostic criteria for pathological gambling. Another 4-8 million adults (2-4% of the population) can be considered problem gamblers who are experiencing direct problems as a consequence of gambling.<br /><br />Research in psychology and psychiatry reported in the Oxford Textbook of Psychopathology finds that between 14 and 16 million Americans meet diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse or dependence. Between 4-6 million Americans are dependent upon illegal drugs.<br /><br />Rates of substance abuse among men ages 18-44 are double those of the general population.<br /><br />A family history of addictive problems is one of the best predictors of risk for addiction. Peer influence is another significant risk factor.<br /><br />According to a research review in the Oxford Textbook, rates of depression are significantly higher among people with addictions than in the general population, with indications that people are using the addictive activities to medicate themselves for the pain of depression.<br /><br />Addictions are also most common among individuals with attention deficits and hyperactivity problems and appear to be related to sensation-seeking among those needing stimulation.</span>

Trading Addiction (Gambling)

An addiction occurs when an activity provides a strong source of stimulation that, over time, leads to psychological and sometimes physical dependence. We generally label a behaviour as an addiction …

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Anatomy of Powerlessness

The anatomy of powerlessness over alcohol is simple. The obsession guarantees us that we will have a moment of disproportionate thinking when we will decide to drink. The allergy makes it impossible for us to quit drinking once we have started. If we can't predict when we will start, because of the obsession, and if we can't predict when we will stop, because of the allergy, then we are powerless over alcohol.

Anatomy of Powerlessness

The anatomy of powerlessness over alcohol is simple. The obsession guarantees us that we will have a moment of disproportionate thinking when we will decide to drink. The allergy makes it impossible f…

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Contempt

"There is a principle, which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance--that principle is contempt prior to investigation"

Contempt

"There is a principle, which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance--that principle is contempt prior to in…

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I was drinking and could not stop

I was drinking and could not stop. I felt miserable and in an abusive relationship. I could not leave because I was afraid and in too deep into that lifestyle. I looked into the mirror and saw death in my eyes. I wanted to end my life. I went to the park and I cried and cried. Actually I was yelling like a crazy lady. I started to pray, on my knees at the park praying and asking Him for help. I was not calm, and not a pretty sight to see. I said "God help me". I said some other things I am not sure exactly what I said. I was so tired of being me and was to the point I would do whatever I had to do to stop drinking. I had to let go and let God take over and help me. A couple days after that I returned that same park and saw a homeless lady walking with a dog, a man and a cart. I was sitting under a tree. I had never seen her before. I was crying; she walked up to me and aid; "What is wrong"? You look too young and too pretty to look so sad".<br /> I said nothing, she smelled of beer and was very dirty. I didn't know what was going on, I just cried. She told me that she was staying at the park in a trailer for 3 days and if I needed a place to stay I could join her. She also told me about herself. She was abused for 15 years She showed me the metal screws and pins in her legs and arms Scars from being beaten and choked. She had no idea I was in an abusive relationship. This lady had no teeth. She told me her story and all I could do was cry. I grabbed her, hugged her and sobbed. I never liked to hug people or look into peoples eyes, but I did with this lady. I cried and cried and held on to her. I said thank you. I never did tell her I was being abused. I told her "I am O.K.". She said, "Well if you need me come back here tomorrow". The next day came I didn't go back to the park. Instead I moved into a women's' sober living home. I stayed there for 5 months, got sober and found a job. I am sober to this day. I believe God sent her to me that day in the park. I believe that this homeless lady is my Angel. I truly believe God sent her to help me. I do not know where that lady is today As she was walked off that day in the park I watched her. I did not see her turn or anything. She just disappeared. I am so grateful for that lady. I return back to that park every once in awhile to see if my Angel is in the park. I go wishing I could see her again to hug her and thank her for saving my life. I have been sober ever since, and to this day I believe that God worked through her to get to me. I believe she is my mirror image. I believe that if I drink and go back to my old lifestyle I will be that homeless lady I met at the park. I feel God uses all different kinds of people to help His children.

I was drinking and could not stop

I was drinking and could not stop. I felt miserable and in an abusive relationship. I could not leave because I was afraid and in too deep into that lifestyle. I looked into the mirror and saw death i…

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Long Version

The Serenity Prayer<br />God grant me Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference. <br />Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.<br />Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.<br />Amen.

Long Version

The Serenity PrayerGod grant me Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a…

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Good Old Timers

Last month I had a dream that I haven't been able to shake off, and I've decided to share it with you. The dream began with me driving a car alone, and there were some people in another car in constant communication with me. There were beautiful green rolling hills, and many curving roads. We were unable to decide which roads were the right ones to take in order to reach our destination, which was an A.A. event. The road I chose left me alone and lost.<br />Then I found myself walking down a hill, while numerous people passed me by as they walked up the hill towards their destination, l decided Lo find my way by myself, not ask anyone tor help, and continue walking down the hill.<br />An elder member of A.A. who has been sober a very long time passed me by as he went up the hill. This older gentlemen is someone who I visit on occasion, because I value his opinion. I called his name, and told him that I was lost and alone. He replied, "You know where to find us," and kept walking up the hill.<br />I took a few steps back down the hill, then admitted to myself that I couldn't find my way alone. Again, I called out his name, this time telling him that I didn't know where to go and I was afraid, so I would follow him up the hill. He kept walking, but glanced back over his shoulder occasionally to see if I was following.<br />Upon finally reaching the top of the hill, I found myself in a hall filled with hundreds of A.A. members, many of whom knew me and welcomed me. They surrounded me with love. Then I woke up.<br />Okay, why am boring all of you with my dream? The past 15 months have been horrible for me. Although during this time I've suffered terribly with physical maladies, the loss of my beloved brother propelled me into questioning my faith and beliefs, During this, the worst time of my life, instead of turning to you in A.A. for help, I turned away, into myself and my grief. I personally believe that through my dream, my heart is screaming to me to reach out to you, the loving members of A.A. The kindly older gentleman in my dream told me that I knew where to find you - and I do.

Good Old Timers

Last month I had a dream that I haven't been able to shake off, and I've decided to share it with you. The dream began with me driving a car alone, and there were some people in another car in constan…

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Meetings

Thanks for the email if you want to start meetings using the chat facility its alright by me.Please give time and dates and whether it will be a regular feature.

Meetings

Thanks for the email if you want to start meetings using the chat facility its alright by me.Please give time and dates and whether it will be a regular feature.…

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Latent Disease

Lots of material on alcoholism seems to be blaming someone or something for 'triggering' the addiction. I believe my alcoholism was a latent disease waiting to be 'triggered' by my first drink. So much treatment is centred around a defined period of time - sign up, do treatment, signed off cured. My experience is that alcoholics and addicts for that matter, need the support of a twelve step programme and other recovering people for the rest of their lives. Relapse rates are very high with this support and without it alcoholics seem to often slide back into active addiction. 'Professionals are often well intentioned but nothing helps an alcoholic like another recovering alcoholic. This is how I have stayed sober for more than 8 years.

Latent Disease

Lots of material on alcoholism seems to be blaming someone or something for 'triggering' the addiction. I believe my alcoholism was a latent disease waiting to be 'triggered' by my first drink. So muc…

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Compulsive Nature

"I don't smoke because it's bad for you, but I'll drink a bottle and a half of whisky. I don't take drugs because I know I have a compulsive nature.<br />"But this is the good one - I don't take paracetamol because someone told me they damage your liver. So when I had a headache coming out of an alcohol stupor, I wouldn't take paracetamol in case I hurt my liver. After 30 bottles of Scotch!"

Compulsive Nature

"I don't smoke because it's bad for you, but I'll drink a bottle and a half of whisky. I don't take drugs because I know I have a compulsive nature."But this is the good one - I don't take paracetamol…

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Low Bottom

I could go through a bottle and a half of vodka a day and eight to ten cans. It's a cycle - you get up, drink, pass out, wake up, drink.<br />"It's alright people saying it's a question of willpower - it goes beyond that. It's addiction in the true sense of the word.<br />"I begged a doctor to section me. You reach a point - rock bottom - when you're so desperate to get out of it you'll do anything. It's either that or die".

Low Bottom

I could go through a bottle and a half of vodka a day and eight to ten cans. It's a cycle - you get up, drink, pass out, wake up, drink."It's alright people saying it's a question of willpower - it go…

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12 Step email addiction ?

Apparently the problem of ‘email addiction’ has got so bad amongst some permanently-connected workers and Blackberry toting bosses that some “executive coach” dudess in Pennsylvania has come up with her “12 steps to cure e-mail addiction” plan.<br />The 12 step plan was devised by executive coach Marsha Egan after several of her clients revealed how their email addiction was taking them right off the rails.<br />One exec found he failed to impress a client on the golf course after he simply had to check email on his BlackBerry after every single shot, while another was unable to walk past a computer - any computer - without reaching for the ‘check email’ button.<br />One seriously twitchy email addict was so desperate to receive email, that he regularly sent himself messages just to check that the email system was working.

12 Step email addiction ?

Apparently the problem of ‘email addiction’ has got so bad amongst some permanently-connected workers and Blackberry toting bosses that some “executive coach” dudess in Pennsylvania has come up with h…

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Perpendicular Pronoun

ALTHOUGH THIS blog calls for some over-use of the perpendicular pronoun, it does not follow that I consider myself the great oracle--I'm merely expressing one of the 200,000 or so different opinions to which AAs are entitled.

Perpendicular Pronoun

ALTHOUGH THIS blog calls for some over-use of the perpendicular pronoun, it does not follow that I consider myself the great oracle--I'm merely expressing one of the 200,000 or so different opinions t…

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Grapevine

REMEMBER HOW IN OUR EARLY DAYS it was drummed into our heads that the first drink is the one which makes us drunk? . . .if we are truly alcoholic, that is--people affected with the disease called alcoholism. I think we really cannot emphasize this truth of the first-drink-danger often enough, and that as time goes on we are inclined rather to put it in the background of our accrued knowledge in Twelfth Stepping.

Grapevine

REMEMBER HOW IN OUR EARLY DAYS it was drummed into our heads that the first drink is the one which makes us drunk? . . .if we are truly alcoholic, that is--people affected with the disease called alco…

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A.A debt

"ALL that he is or hopes to be, that man owes to AA, yet he hasn't even the gratitude to come to meetings any more."

A.A debt

"ALL that he is or hopes to be, that man owes to AA, yet he hasn't even the gratitude to come to meetings any more."…

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Urges

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance--urges quite appropriate to age seventeen--prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven or fifty-seven.

Urges

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance--urges quite appropriate to age seventeen--prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at a…

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My image of world order

I Live in a World of Order.I live in a world of creation, a world that provides all I need to live, grow and thrive. Yet there may be things that happen to me and around me that do not seem to be orderly or fit my image of a world of order.I wonder where that image of world order comes from.

My image of world order

I Live in a World of Order.I live in a world of creation, a world that provides all I need to live, grow and thrive. Yet there may be things that happen to me and around me that do not seem to be orde…

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troubled character

When I see people of troubled character.oppressed by strong negativity and suffering.<br />May I hold them dear—for they are rare to find- as if I have discovered a jewel treasure?

troubled character

When I see people of troubled character.oppressed by strong negativity and suffering.May I hold them dear—for they are rare to find- as if I have discovered a jewel treasure?…

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Bleeding Deacon

Since I have succesfully defined myself before I start.I will tell you a little about myself I have been a member of the fellowships since 1984 remaining clean since my first meeting, but know due to arthiritis remain slightly isolated so hence the blog. My clean time has been blessed with a little serenity and a wealth of personal fullfillment. I am dyslexic, so please excuse my spelling and grammar. I am also an academic hence the Bleeding Deacon this blog is open to everyone, its not exclusive. You dont have to be a member. you automatically are when you post. The background of the tropical island is in my mind my own little piece of serenity, so a picture of an english council estate, well maybe that might not work as well.Life has taken me to Spain, Morocco, Portugal and a stint in the Canary Islands. I have worked as a senior drugs and alcohol counsellor for a number of charities that specialised in working within the UKs prison system. I am currently studying for a PHd after succesfully completing two MSc,s. I have worked within various fellowships many from the very early days and Spanish NA and Coda that remain close to my heart.I have been more of an out-law rather than an in-law and have an unorthadox method of running my program. Well its tailormade for me. My views are atheist, agnostic but I have a belief in a power far greater than me..

Bleeding Deacon

Since I have succesfully defined myself before I start.I will tell you a little about myself I have been a member of the fellowships since 1984 remaining clean since my first meeting, but know due to …

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