We can't depend on people to make us happy.SaltyJims message

The Secret <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The Secret <br /><br />One day, one friend asked another, <br /><br />'How is it that you are always so happy? <br /><br />You have so much energy, <br /><br />and you never seem to get down.' <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />With her eyes smiling, she said, <br /><br />'I know the Secret!' <br /><br />'What secret is that?' <br /><br />To which she replied, <br /><br />'I'll tell you all about it, <br /><br />but you have to promise to <br /><br />share the Secret with others.' <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />'The Secret is this: <br /><br />I have learned there is little I can do <br /><br />in my life that will make me truly happy <br /><br />I must depend on God to make <br /><br />me happy and to meet my needs. <br /><br />When a need arises in my life, <br /><br />I have to trust God to supply <br /><br />according to HIS riches. <br /><br />I have learned most of the time <br /><br />I don't need half of what I think I do. <br /><br />He has never let me down. <br /><br />Since I learned that 'Secret', I am happy.' <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The questioner's first thought was, <br /><br />'That's too simple!' <br /><br />But upon reflecting over her own life <br /><br />she recalled how she thought a bigger house <br /><br />would make her happy, but it didn't! <br /><br />She thought a better paying job <br /><br />would make her happy, but it hadn't. <br /><br />When did she realize her greatest happiness? <br /><br />Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren, <br /><br />playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, <br /><br />a simple gift from God. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Now you know it too! <br /><br />We can't depend on people to make us happy. <br /><br />Only GOD in His infinite wisdom can do that. <br /><br />Trust HIM! <br /><br />And now I pass the Secret on to you! <br /><br />So once you get it, what will you do? <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too! <br /><br />That GOD in His wisdom will take care of YOU! <br /><br />But it's not really a secret... <br /><br />We just have to believe it and do it.... <br /><br />Really TRUST IN GOD! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAhjycDZ7RwEaByfqrw3U2KLOfP9_lTdH5hotj4Kd1MrvucSxtmGsh8S7m1T6iZ5gXxH79ZJLA6jUePU-PI0PCEiscG59RemQe2td4IWcbp-xl8OrOWsI9yHfSFPvw1ltfovxLsz3g3MVg/s1600-h/image002bc.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" iq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAhjycDZ7RwEaByfqrw3U2KLOfP9_lTdH5hotj4Kd1MrvucSxtmGsh8S7m1T6iZ5gXxH79ZJLA6jUePU-PI0PCEiscG59RemQe2td4IWcbp-xl8OrOWsI9yHfSFPvw1ltfovxLsz3g3MVg/s320/image002bc.gif" /></a><br /></div>Just Pass It On!

We can't depend on people to make us happy.SaltyJims message

The Secret The Secret One day, one friend asked another, 'How is it that you are always so happy? You have so much energy, and you never seem to get down.' With her eyes smiling, she said, 'I know the…

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For it is as we listen that God speaks. And it is when we are still that God acts

“Prayer is a reaching, and every act of prayer stretches the soul. Prayer is spiritual exercise. There are many ways to pray, as there are many ways to God. … The way of the beginner is not the way of the master. Yet there is no atom of creation that does not have access to God. Each soul finds its way to Him at the level of his own experience.<br /><br /><br />“For some, prayer is thought; and for some, it is feeling too in articulate for thought to express. Communion with nature may be prayer, or the enjoyment of art and poetry and music. An act of kindness may be a prayer, a smile, a friendly hand. Work is often a prayer, for work is an affirmation of creative power. Praise is a kind of prayer. So is zeal.<br /><br />“… There is a prayer that is words, and a prayer that is silence. … Much of prayer is speaking, yet much of it is listening. … For it is as we listen that God speaks. And it is when we are still that God acts.”

For it is as we listen that God speaks. And it is when we are still that God acts

“Prayer is a reaching, and every act of prayer stretches the soul. Prayer is spiritual exercise. There are many ways to pray, as there are many ways to God. … The way of the beginner is not the way of…

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There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. <br /><br />A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands<br />the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue." <br />-- Hagakure

There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment

"There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understandsthe present moment, there will be nothi…

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you'll be a Man, my son!

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,<br /><br /><br />Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,<br /><br />Or being hated, don't give way to hating,<br /><br />And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:<br /><br /><br /><br />if you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,<br /><br />' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,<br /><br />if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,<br /><br />If all men count with you, but none too much;<br /><br /><br /><br />If you can fill the unforgiving minute<br /><br />With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,<br /><br />Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,<br /><br />And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

you'll be a Man, my son!

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,Or being hated, don't give way to hating,And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:if you can talk with crowds …

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Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.<br /><br />That's because their lungs are along their sides.<br /><br /><br />Imagine how you would feel if someone poured alcohol directly into you lungs. I think you would go mad also. Also, proportionally, a drop of alcohol on a scorpion is like pumping five litres of Vodka down my throat in two seconds. I'm sure it would make me a little crazy!!!!!!! if not a little pissed.<br /><br />What a great life it is without scorpions and alcohol.

Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Scorpions and liquor.If you place a tiny amount of alcohol on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.That's because their lungs are along their sides.Imagine how you would feel…

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Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free"

YOU THINK YOU HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS?<br /><br />Due to the downturn in the economy, Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free" as has been the case for almost 75 years. Like many businesses, AA will now be charging for some things that used to be free, such as:<br />1--Being Rocketed into the 4th Dimension---$49.99 per trip, fuel surcharge applies, extra baggage NOT included. 5th dimension trips optional. See your sponsor for details.<br />2--Sponsorship - was free, NOW $9.99 per month, with 4 visits/15 phone calls per month free, after that, $2.00 each.<br />3--Membership Dues now $29.99/month, 10% discount for a 1-year plan.<br />4--Seating charges - Each seat now $1.00 per meeting, with a 20% discount for the 90-in-90 plan.<br />5--The "Pink Cloud" was free, NOW $14.99 per cloud, with a $5.00 per event environmental cleanup fee. These are the NEW ozone-free Pink Clouds that do NOT add to global warming.<br />6--Coffee to be $1.50 per cup, with a 10% discount for 5 or more cups.<br />7--Hugs now will be $2.50 each.<br />8--Conscious contact with GOD now $9.99/month, with the first 450 minutes free, then 0.10 cents/minute fee over. New "double your minutes for life" plan is a low $49.99 one time charge - holidays and weekends extra. See the current rate schedule, as GOD is VERY busy.<br />9--Accidental "cell phone going off during meeting charge" now set at $25.00 per ring (not per call).<br />10--"I've Been Thinking" fees to now be $3.00 each, with a relapse re-entry fee of only $99.99 each, if you're lucky enough to make it back into the rooms.<br />11-Publication of A.A. Birthdays in "The Messenger" fees will be $5.00 per 5 years of sobriety. $5.00 for 1 - 5 years, $10 for 5 -10 years, etc.<br />Please, void where prohibited by law, AA reserves the right to change none, all, or some of these rates at anytime, with no notice to you. If you need a notice of change of rates, a written request may be sent to AA World Service headquarters in New York, of course, a $10.00 fee applies.<br /><br /><br /><br />NOTE: The editor does not accept responsibility for your reaction to this article.

Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free"

YOU THINK YOU HAVE MONEY PROBLEMS?Due to the downturn in the economy, Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free" as has been the case for almost 75 years. Like many businesses, …

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SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy <br />decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.<br />In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, <br />leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, <br />not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator <br />was swimming toward the shore.His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and <br />closer together.In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.<br />Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father.<br />It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between <br />the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go.<br />A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.<br />Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails <br />dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars.<br />The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming <br />hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful.He did not and will not ever let you go. Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to <br />others.You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them.Also, it is so important that we are not selfish, to receive the blessings of these messages, without forwarding them to someone else. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too - enough to not let them go .

SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house.In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, …

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"Let the waters settle you will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi

<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /><br />"Let the waters settle you will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi</span>

"Let the waters settle you will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi

"Let the waters settle you will see stars and moon mirrored in your Being." -- Rumi…

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2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRjMx8R-Z6HlooOuUSXm9bXgpaSLYFmO8CQ4uwGybixzYpqD9SFldPrLCocx5oIk-DX9hnoOVg-3YThv401wvd9qFGbDHeLKsHZ8szRfSBBy57RSG9PVbwmCSkdeNy4pqp5bdF5eeIOBPI/s1600-h/header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mq="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRjMx8R-Z6HlooOuUSXm9bXgpaSLYFmO8CQ4uwGybixzYpqD9SFldPrLCocx5oIk-DX9hnoOVg-3YThv401wvd9qFGbDHeLKsHZ8szRfSBBy57RSG9PVbwmCSkdeNy4pqp5bdF5eeIOBPI/s320/header.jpg" /></a></div><br /><object height="349" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/682KlQmo_tI&border=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/682KlQmo_tI&border=1&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="349"></embed></object><br />Just been Invited to 2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009 any takers

2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009

Just been Invited to 2nd Annual 12 Step Music Fest Dates - NOV 5 - 8, 2009 any takers…

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Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to clinicians and researchers testifying before a Senate committee Thursday. "The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors," Layden said. "To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it -- it's a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind." Pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever, Layden said. Jeffrey Satinover, a psychiatrist and advisor to the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality echoed Layden's concern about the internet and the somatic effects of pornography. "Pornography really does, unlike other addictions, biologically cause direct release of the most perfect addictive substance," Satinover said. "That is, it causes masturbation, which causes release of the naturally occurring opioids. It does what heroin can't do, in effect." The internet is dangerous because it removes the inefficiency in the delivery of pornography, making porn much more ubiquitous than in the days when guys in trench coats would sell nudie postcards, Satinover said. Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kansas), the subcommittee's chairman, called the hearing the most disturbing one he'd ever seen in the Senate. Brownback said porn was ubiquitous now, compared to when he was growing up and "some guy would sneak a magazine in somewhere and show some of us, but you had to find him at the right time."

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine

Internet pornography is the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, boob jobs and erectile dysfunction, according to clinicians and researchers testifying before a Senate commit…

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“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith

“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -- Alexander Smith…

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If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house

<blockquote>"If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house. If a man got possession of all that gold -- billions of dollars worth -- he could not buy a friend, character, peace of mind, clear conscience or a sense of eternity." -- Charles F. Bunning</blockquote>

If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house

"If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube, it would be about the size of an eight room house. If a man got possession of all that gold -- billions of dollars worth -- he could n…

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An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings <br /><br />received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be <br />the permanent assets we shall seek.<br />-- Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions, Gerhard Alexander Scheutz

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings

An honest regret for harms done, a genuine gratitude for blessings received, and a willingness to try for better things tomorrow will be the permanent assets we shall seek.-- Twelve Steps And Twelve T…

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Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship

<blockquote>Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and being open to learning about what you are doing to create your own feelings, instead of being a victim and believing that others are causing your feelings. Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and others, from what you tell yourself and what you believe about yourself and others, rather than from others behaviour. Blaming others for your feelings will always lead to major relationship problems.Why not start today by taking your eyes off your partner and putting them squarely on yourself? In reality, you are the only one you actually have control over. You are the only one you can change.</blockquote>

Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship

Learning how to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings is one of the essential ingredients in creating a healthy relationship. This means learning to be conscious of what you are feeling and b…

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Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker - will always run into problems. Many people leave these relationships, only to discover the same problems in their next relationships. Takers and caretakers can switch places in different relationships and over different issues, but the problems remain the same - anger, resentment, distance, lack of sexuality, boredom, feeling unloved and unloving.Takers are people who tend to be narcissistic - that is, they are self-centered with an excessive need for attention and admiration. The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from others with anger, blame, violence, criticism, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive touch, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotional drama. The taker uses many forms of both overt and covert control to get the attention he or she wants.Takers not only want a lot of control, but are often afraid of being controlled and become overtly or covertly resistant to doing what someone else wants them to do. The taker might resist with denial, defending, procrastination, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, withdrawal, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence.In a relationship, takers operate from the belief that "You are responsible for my feelings of pain and joy. It is your job to make sure that I am okay."Caretakers, on the other hand, operate from the belief that "I am responsible for your feelings. When I do it right, you will be happy and then I will receive the approval I need." Caretakers sacrifice their own needs and wants to take care of the needs and wants of others, even when others are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to others from fear rather than love - they give to get.<br />Neither takers nor caretakers take responsibility for their own feelings and wellbeing. Takers generally attempt to have control over others' giving them the attention and admiration they want in overt ways, while caretakers attempt to have control over getting approval in more covert ways, such as compliance, doing to much for others, and/or withholding their wants and opinions.Because neither takers nor caretakers are taking care of themselves, they will each end up feeling angry, resentful, trapped, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged.

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker

Codependent relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker and a caretaker - will always run into problems. Many people leave these relationships, only to discover the same pr…

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Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them.

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them. These relationships have a compulsive quality; you get hurt, but you keep going back for more, in the hope of changing something.<blockquote>In codependent relationships you comply. You adapt to the dysfunction of the relationship and deny your own reality, especially what you are feeling.<br />You also control. You try to manipulate your partner, and the relationship, to be what you want them to be, when they may not be.</blockquote>You control yourself in order to try to fit when you do not. So compliance is a passive way of controlling.<blockquote>Compliance and controlling are essentially dishonest. Dishonesty in relationships does not, ultimately, work; clarity and honesty do.</blockquote>Denial of what is causes it to backfire on you, to appear in unexpected and uncomfortable ways. If you deny your own reality, you will attract it in the form of painful lessons, taught to you by your enemies, or those who hurt and anger you in some way.When you comply, adapting with the needs of another person, bending yourself to fit, you lose your sense of self. This causes you pain. You are in a constant state of grieving for this lost Self, and longing to be united with it again. You transfer this longing onto another person, so that they become your Self; you fall in love with them as a reflection of yourself that you do not own. They become your soul. You become dependent for your sense of self. You feel you cannot live without the other person, because, without them to reflect you, to give you life, you cease to be. You merge with them, you lose your identity, your boundaries, and have no protection, are open to abuse and violation. You become addicted to the thrill, the rise in adrenalin, that makes you feel vital and alive. You deny the fear you feel. Because the denial of feelings keeps you numb and dead, you need a `fix` to wake you up again; you crave more. This is the basis of love addiction. Dangerous, non-productive relationships become exciting; you do not register danger, but get high on it instead.This merging is what we call falling in love. In fact, you fall in longing. Healthy people grow to love, gradually, as they get to know each other. You cannot love what we do not know. Healthy people form relationships that are not exclusive, that create love. People around them feel it. Codependents create relationships that shut others out.<br />You can experience this pain as a longing for God, putting that God outside of yourself and giving him/her responsibility for your life. You use spirituality as your drug, as an avoidance, to deny your feelings, your reality. You can space out on it. Or you make gods of other people. Your compliance to their needs gets them to rescue you. You try to get them to parent you, to meet the needs that were not met for you in your infancy, when you are not an infant now, and when those needs are no longer appropriate to your adult life. You abdicate from responsibility for yourself but take responsibility for others instead, just as you tried to do for parents who were inadequate for you. In handing over control of your own life and trying to control the lives of others, you create even more pain, when you are trying to avoid or heal it.The more you deny yourself, the more you are trapped in pain and longing; the more you are constantly searching. But you will never find the Self that you are seeking in other people, in relationships, because it is not there, outside of you, it is inside you; it is not a god, but your own divinity.The other paradox is that, as long as you involve yourself in other people's lives, trying to live through them, at the expense of your own; as long as you sacrifice your Self and your life to someone or something else, rather than contributing towards the greater whole, the emptier you will feel, and the more you will depend on those outside sources to fill you up. You compromise for the sake of a false sense of security and accept less than you would like it to be.<br />This is the addictive quality of codependency. You use people and behaviours; you may use substances too, to kill the pain of your non-being and to fill up the emptiness, the void that you feel, when you do not have a life of your own, a sense of meaning and purpose. You cannot have a life until you have a self to live that life, which means a complete self with personal desires and feelings. Yet you are afraid to confront yourself. You do not believe in your ability to create your own reality, to fill yourself up from your own resources, because you have been taught dependency. Codependency has been encouraged in our society. We are taught to believe in our helplessness because this benefits others and gives them a sense of a power that they would not otherwise possess.When you hand over your responsibility, you become a victim. You blame, shame, and express your anger as rage and impotence. You feel constant frustration and resentment. Most of your strategies are set up to avoid your greatest fear, abandonment, and feeling it. As well as clinging, to people or fantasies, obsessions, you isolate in order not to feel the need for other people. Then you may get your needs met in manipulate ways, by making people dependent on you. This is called counter-dependency. You appear not to need anybody.You fear intimacy because you will lose your boundaries if you do not know how to be an individual, with your own identity, separate and independent. Mainly you have not been encouraged to separate, in healthy ways, from your family, from dependencies in your society. You have not been encouraged in self-responsibility. Yet you have been encouraged to appear independent and not need anybody.You have experienced pain in the past, losses you have never grieved. You will experience losses in the future. But the pain you feel when you grieve is short-term, freeing, cleansing, sweet and releasing, soft pain, when you dare to look inside yourself and face this pain of the past. It is different to the hard, long-term pain of pain on pain that you accumulate when you put yourself into relationships or situations that recreate the pain of your childhood and prevent you from taking responsibility for yourself and yoor life today.<br />You do need other people, in a healthy way. A healthy society functions through inter-dependence. I believe that your developmental process takes you from dependence, which is biological, healthy and normal for infants, through independence, which you need in order to separate you from your family and create an identity, to inter-dependence. It is only when you are a separate human being that you can share who you are with others.Your sharing will then be out of choice, from a place of freedom in yourself. Your relationships will complement what you have, rather than compensating for what you lack.<br />Adapted and reproduced from a paper published in The Natural Network Newsletter 1996

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them.

Codependency is an addiction to unhealthy, unproductive relationships. You repeat patterns that cause you pain, yet you feel unable to break them. These relationships have a compulsive quality; you ge…

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The joy of healthy sharing which sets us free from the burden of self.

When many of us were growing up no-one listened to us. We were told our feelings were wrong or that they did not matter. We were often interrupted and criticised. As adults we are used to taking care of other people and not taking responsibility for our own lives. So in our meetings we speak about our own experiences and feelings. We listen without comment to what others say because it is true for them. In this way we work towards taking responsibility for our own lives, rather than giving advice to others.<br /><br />It is important for our recovery to know that we can share without fear of interruption, contradiction or criticism.- We do not judge, offer advice or comment on what other people say in meetings, even if the comment is positive or solicited - this is 'feedback'.<br />- We do not interrupt one another or engage in discussion - this is called 'crosstalk'. When sharing, we use 'I' statements and avoid using the word 'you' or addressing someone by 'name'. Crosstalk can include: physical contact or touch, passing tissues, body movements such as nodding ones head or rolling the eyes, laughter, verbal sounds such as 'hmms', snorting or huffing and distracting behaviour such as whispering, eating or making a noise.<br />Crosstalk and feedback are strongly discouraged in CoDA, since as co-dependents we are working to break away from dependency on what others think, feel or advise. Crosstalk infringes on boundaries, and many people find crosstalk or feedback unsafe. When we ask for no crosstalk, we have set a boundary in order to create a safe environment. No crosstalk nurtures recovery rather than co-dependency. It reminds us to focus on our own recovery rather than be distracted with helping or controlling others.<br />If a previous members share echoes within you and inspires you to speak, we suggest you stick to the 'general topics' you identify with, only. If you would like to speak to someone about something they have shared, please do so after the meeting, asking their consent first.<br />The secretary may read these guidelines again to remind members of this CoDA principle. Please do not be upset or embarrassed if this happens - it is only to maintain the safety of the room, to help us identify co-dependent behaviour and further our recoveries and awareness of this principle.

The joy of healthy sharing which sets us free from the burden of self.

When many of us were growing up no-one listened to us. We were told our feelings were wrong or that they did not matter. We were often interrupted and criticised. As adults we are used to taking care …

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Miracles do happen

Miracles do happen phone numbers restored and sanity..Some people cannot get this program that demands rigorous honesty.There are such unfortunates they appear to have been born that way but some do.I pray that the unfortunates are returned to the true faith which is our wonderful program.I feel our strength and resolve have been deepend.My program after 24 years has been revolutionised. My health has been restored. My work renewed and the deep understanding of the human condition explained to me for I am a humble pupil of the universe. My contact with my higher power has been equal to that which I am prepared to sacrifice and when the ultimate sacrifice is called for so are the rewards.I hope to spend a quite Christmas with my son back in your wonderful company and I hope to be able to arrange another get together in the mountains of the Cerras del Ronda.Thank you all personally and deeply.GOD BLESS (it really does work if you work it)

Miracles do happen

Miracles do happen phone numbers restored and sanity..Some people cannot get this program that demands rigorous honesty.There are such unfortunates they appear to have been born that way but some do.I…

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Sometimes we cast aside that which is most precious to us.

Sometimes we cast aside that which is most precious to us.

Sometimes we cast aside that which is most precious to us.

Sometimes we cast aside that which is most precious to us.…

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fear of the new.

"Slowness to change usually means fear of the new." <br />-- Philip Crosby

fear of the new.

"Slowness to change usually means fear of the new." -- Philip Crosby …

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Love has no form.

When you are present in this moment, you break the continuity of your <br />story, of past and future. Then true intelligence arises, and also love. <br />The only way love can come into your life is not through form, but <br />through that inner spaciousness that is Presence. Love has no form.<br /><br />-- Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Amidst the World<br /><br />

Love has no form.

When you are present in this moment, you break the continuity of your story, of past and future. Then true intelligence arises, and also love. The only way love can come into your life is not through …

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times of advancement are preceded by times of disorder.

?Just as the tumultuous chaos of a thunderstorm brings a nurturing rain that allows life to flourish, <br />so too in human affairs times of advancement are preceded by times of disorder. <br />Success comes to those who can weather the storm.? <br />-- I Ching No. 3

times of advancement are preceded by times of disorder.

?Just as the tumultuous chaos of a thunderstorm brings a nurturing rain that allows life to flourish, so too in human affairs times of advancement are preceded by times of disorder. Success comes to t…

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Fiesta 2009 September

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie2fczfYz2nF4Wg5FYCzscBodt6wklYaliYAEQXR0LZfqx4B5UQ84gtAA9KNFbpKECYraxTkmt309EJJhVnsAibvfZ6Nyf-pzxER-ikLx92OhqxblsIUbF8oR4qb1TC1saiNzofD_b5FRe/s1600-h/fiesta5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" lk="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie2fczfYz2nF4Wg5FYCzscBodt6wklYaliYAEQXR0LZfqx4B5UQ84gtAA9KNFbpKECYraxTkmt309EJJhVnsAibvfZ6Nyf-pzxER-ikLx92OhqxblsIUbF8oR4qb1TC1saiNzofD_b5FRe/s320/fiesta5.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6MWuSIyL7JiHTmBn-RLQH-duCbhlTMIsiLke_vl_Z8EAC__B56LMDnsDi6RPZKUfkgo0Z_OEG937dDoCWcl0154I9E_bOfZAeiiV7tKVd4ns9qZTSDXEhL-RIOG9FYsb53Lr1B9X9Cqhh/s1600-h/fiesta3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" lk="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6MWuSIyL7JiHTmBn-RLQH-duCbhlTMIsiLke_vl_Z8EAC__B56LMDnsDi6RPZKUfkgo0Z_OEG937dDoCWcl0154I9E_bOfZAeiiV7tKVd4ns9qZTSDXEhL-RIOG9FYsb53Lr1B9X9Cqhh/s320/fiesta3.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidEflZtNTNrgjPGmvcnuh30T04KY6Yf-svzLReqWpHonwOzWrCciGaQhgBuVEaFGdWkTMLBwLUE8Jn7MLDw_gsHQ_IBoNP1tELq3j1d1FxycON7HLb74-D9P3SmfdgOh0m_TcaALx-AXzA/s1600-h/fiesta6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" lk="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidEflZtNTNrgjPGmvcnuh30T04KY6Yf-svzLReqWpHonwOzWrCciGaQhgBuVEaFGdWkTMLBwLUE8Jn7MLDw_gsHQ_IBoNP1tELq3j1d1FxycON7HLb74-D9P3SmfdgOh0m_TcaALx-AXzA/s320/fiesta6.jpg" /></a></div>

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Fiesta 2009 September

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Yet when do we hurry to be happy or rush towards an experience of calm and comfort?

It is strange how people attribute levels of urgency to the various tasks and activities that they have taken on. We may see it as crucial that we get to work on time. Or essential that we don't miss the start of a concert or a play. We set ourselves deadlines by which, we feel, we really must have accomplished something. We panic when we feel we are late and are pleased when we meet our targets.

Yet when do we hurry to be happy or rush towards an experience of calm and comfort?

It is strange how people attribute levels of urgency to the various tasks and activities that they have taken on. We may see it as crucial that we get to work on time. Or essential that we don't miss …

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Not to utter words, but to live by them

The one thing for such a person to do is to pray regularly, especially <br />at the actual time of temptation, and to throw the responsibility for <br />success upon God. He must carry on in this way, no matter how many <br />times he may fail; and, if he continues to pray, and especially if he <br />prays in the scientific way, he will, as a matter of fact, very soon find <br />that the power of evil has been broken, and that he is free from that <br />particular sin. To pray scientifically is to keep affirming that God is <br />helping him, that the temptation has no power against him, and <br />constantly to claim that his own real nature is spiritual and perfect. <br /> <br />-- Emmet Fox, Sermon On The Mount<br /><br />As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest <br />appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.<br /><br />-- John F. Kennedy

Not to utter words, but to live by them

The one thing for such a person to do is to pray regularly, especially at the actual time of temptation, and to throw the responsibility for success upon God. He must carry on in this way, no matter h…

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Thank you for coming to the party

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Sobrietys first fiesta<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiH-ilcq626br17gMTaA23j8duJ_zCoyJFmclIizEFVK_poLHNYShyphenhyphenOIwqlo-7ckwVUdirJDoKH7WIqLGhjUQPeKmQvcpKHysPa8nKlowirb-s4XGYDph2KgQ8hK5QdHVobd7vLA64bpN0/s1600-h/fiesta1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" lk="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiH-ilcq626br17gMTaA23j8duJ_zCoyJFmclIizEFVK_poLHNYShyphenhyphenOIwqlo-7ckwVUdirJDoKH7WIqLGhjUQPeKmQvcpKHysPa8nKlowirb-s4XGYDph2KgQ8hK5QdHVobd7vLA64bpN0/s320/fiesta1.jpg" /></a></div>Thank you for coming to the party the photographs will be posted shortly.I was very humbled and grateful for the attendance with friends and relatives attending from Gibraltar and Sotogrande, and one member who hitched all the way.I was pleased to see Sally the Entre Sierra co-owner and thank her for work and dedication for what was truly a memorable night.I leave the coast a spititually rich man with a renewed program new friends.None of which I believed possible once more the miracle takes place of renewal, thanks to the participation and effort of fellow members.I return to the UK to meetings with the directors of two major treatment centres and have to put my Biz head on.My thoughts are to come out of retirement which has financial and geographical implications for me,but as my partner says its one day at a time.<br />Have an awesome day, and <br />know that someone <br />who thinks you're great <br />has thought about you today!<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Ncy82gAGnLrJiSvJ4Ole2Gg7ptzy4zSdKy7-FM18uCJAdPwc_YfVqp4xvcki-v1ZuATyjX0BbLjpjICSiTgNrEq2lAEv3BXiejKmhqPfcqbD1V7gPcD1dxV9E-FDWz9lVtS8u4NZPWKD/s1600-h/fiesta4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" lk="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Ncy82gAGnLrJiSvJ4Ole2Gg7ptzy4zSdKy7-FM18uCJAdPwc_YfVqp4xvcki-v1ZuATyjX0BbLjpjICSiTgNrEq2lAEv3BXiejKmhqPfcqbD1V7gPcD1dxV9E-FDWz9lVtS8u4NZPWKD/s320/fiesta4.jpg" /></a></div>"And that person was me.".....

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Thank you for coming to the party

Sobrietys first fiestaThank you for coming to the party the photographs will be posted shortly.I was very humbled and grateful for the attendance with friends and relatives attending from Gibraltar an…

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Have an awesome day

POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE: <br /><br />Living on Earth is expensive, <br />but it does include a free trip <br />around the sun every year. <br /><br />How long a minute is <br />depends on what side of the <br />bathroom door you're on. <br /><br />Birthdays are good for you; <br />the more you have, <br />the longer you live. <br /><br />Happiness comes through doors you <br />didn't even know you left open.<br /><br />Ever notice that the people who are late <br />are often much jollier <br />than the people who have to wait for them? <br /><br />Most of us go to our grave <br />with our music still inside of us. <br /><br />If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, <br />how come nothing is free yet? <br /><br />You may be only one person in the world, <br />but you may also be the world to one person. <br /><br />Some mistakes are too much fun <br />to only make once. <br /><br />Don't cry because it's over; <br />smile because it happened. <br /><br />We could learn a lot from crayons: <br />some are sharp, some are pretty, <br />some are dull, some have weird names, <br />and all are different colors....but <br />they all exist very nicely in the same box. <br /><br />A truly happy person is one who <br />can enjoy the scenery on a detour. <br /><br />Have an awesome day, and <br />know that someone <br />who thinks you're great <br />has thought about you today!<br /><br />"And that person was me.".....

Have an awesome day

POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE: Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. Birthdays are …

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Fellowship Parking

Parking in Istan is take the right fork up the hill and by the swimming pool PARK

Fellowship Parking

Parking in Istan is take the right fork up the hill and by the swimming pool PARK…

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Gerhard Viewpoint

“The world situation that life is presenting us with in the 21st century is a natural outcome of the state of consciousness that has created it.<br />“People having an internal system for understanding life that is based on limited thought processes and giving a view of themselves as separate and insecure individuals, naturally creates a world full of conflict and fear. “But consider that this may also be part of a perfect unfolding! “This may be how life works, that each stage of consciousness along the way in our development brings with it its own crisis.<br /> “Each crisis forces individuals to question their current reality system, and to try to find a new stability by stretching into new versions of themselves with fuller capabilities and by outgrowing any old habits that no longer support them.<br />“Life creates situations that cannot be solved at their own level because the ways of seeing and knowing that have brought us to this point aren’t working anymore. <br />Our old paradigms and models are failing us and we are forced to let go of our old ways of constructing reality and look again to see what we have missed.”

Gerhard Viewpoint

“The world situation that life is presenting us with in the 21st century is a natural outcome of the state of consciousness that has created it.“People having an internal system for understanding life…

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