The joy of healthy sharing which sets us free from the burden of self.

When many of us were growing up no-one listened to us. We were told our feelings were wrong or that they did not matter. We were often interrupted and criticised. As adults we are used to taking care of other people and not taking responsibility for our own lives. So in our meetings we speak about our own experiences and feelings. We listen without comment to what others say because it is true for them. In this way we work towards taking responsibility for our own lives, rather than giving advice to others.<br /><br />It is important for our recovery to know that we can share without fear of interruption, contradiction or criticism.- We do not judge, offer advice or comment on what other people say in meetings, even if the comment is positive or solicited - this is 'feedback'.<br />- We do not interrupt one another or engage in discussion - this is called 'crosstalk'. When sharing, we use 'I' statements and avoid using the word 'you' or addressing someone by 'name'. Crosstalk can include: physical contact or touch, passing tissues, body movements such as nodding ones head or rolling the eyes, laughter, verbal sounds such as 'hmms', snorting or huffing and distracting behaviour such as whispering, eating or making a noise.<br />Crosstalk and feedback are strongly discouraged in CoDA, since as co-dependents we are working to break away from dependency on what others think, feel or advise. Crosstalk infringes on boundaries, and many people find crosstalk or feedback unsafe. When we ask for no crosstalk, we have set a boundary in order to create a safe environment. No crosstalk nurtures recovery rather than co-dependency. It reminds us to focus on our own recovery rather than be distracted with helping or controlling others.<br />If a previous members share echoes within you and inspires you to speak, we suggest you stick to the 'general topics' you identify with, only. If you would like to speak to someone about something they have shared, please do so after the meeting, asking their consent first.<br />The secretary may read these guidelines again to remind members of this CoDA principle. Please do not be upset or embarrassed if this happens - it is only to maintain the safety of the room, to help us identify co-dependent behaviour and further our recoveries and awareness of this principle.

The joy of healthy sharing which sets us free from the burden of self.

When many of us were growing up no-one listened to us. We were told our feelings were wrong or that they did not matter. We were often inter...

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