Temenos

Temenos is a 'practical vision' for a non-hierarchical, non-professional, wholistic Australian community network, which provides workable, compassionate, non-coercive and cost-effective alternatives to the Mental Health System, drug-based (biologic) psychiatry and hospitals for persons experiencing an acute crisis in living. Temenos places equal focus upon human rights advocacy for persons in the 'Mental Health System' who have been diagnosed as having a 'mental illness'. <br /><br />'Non-professional' denotes, firstly, that Temenos does not assume that professional 'mental health' training and education automatically translate into an ability to help persons in an acute personal crisis; secondly, it implies that the work of Temenos is largely voluntary, that is, 'amateur', or based on compassion, not on a desire for 'professional' financial gain. As a consequence of the relatively high fees charged by professional 'mental health' persons, a vast, disempowering, socio-economic gap persists <br />between 'professionals' and (usually financially poor) persons in crisis.

Temenos

Temenos is a 'practical vision' for a non-hierarchical, non-professional, wholistic Australian community network, which provides wor...

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suicidal thinking as an addiction

obsessive suicidal thoughts drove her to three drug overdoses and three confinements in psychiatric wards.<br />Susan Rose Blauner knew the killer stalking her for 18 years: It was her own mind. <br /><br />During that time, obsessive suicidal thoughts drove her to three drug overdoses and three confinements in psychiatric wards.<br /><br />Through a combination of spirituality, 10 years of intense psychotherapy, her own fierce determination, and the loving support of family and friends, Blauner gained control over what she terms an "addiction" to suicide.<br /><br />"I see suicidal thinking as an addiction. For me, it became an addiction just like alcohol is to an alcoholic. With stress, I reach for suicidal thinking," Blauner says.<br /><br />She recounts her experiences and offers advice in her new book, How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention. Blauner calls it a hands-on guide for those plagued by suicidal thoughts, their families and friends, and mental health professionals.<br /><br />"I started writing the book about 10 years ago, and I was actually suicidal through most of the time I was writing it," says Blauner, 36, who lives on Cape Cod, Mass.<br /><br />As she wrestled with her self-destructive demons, she searched for a book on suicide prevention that was written by an ordinary person with firsthand experience. "I wanted a book that would tell me how not to kill myself," Blauner says.<br /><br />She couldn't find the kind of book she wanted, so she decided to write one herself.<br /><br /> Listen to our radio show on Attempting Suicide and Coping with Suicidal Thoughts<br />using windows media player <br /><br />What would drive someone to actually try and kill themselves? For years, our guest, Melanie, was told she was worthless, lazy, crazy, and would never amount to anything. She and other callers share their stories of suicide attempts and how they feel about surviving. Dr. Kumar provides insight into psychological aspects of suicide. <br />"It gives a very unique perspective in that it's coming from the mind of a suicidal thinker. The book is very empathetic and compassionate. It's really a conversation between myself and the reader, whether they're the suicidal thinker or the caregiver," Blauner says.<br /><br />She wants those haunted by suicidal thoughts to know they're not alone, and that they shouldn't be ashamed to reach out for help.<br /><br />"It's a real in-your-face book. The thing I realized is that most suicidal thinkers don't want to be dead, they just don't want to feel the pain anymore in their brains," Blauner says. <br /><br />Her book, which carries a foreword by Dr. Bernie S. Siegel, provides suicidal thinkers with ways to keep from taking their life so they can buy the time to learn how they can reduce their emotional pain. It includes a list of coping strategies that Blauner calls her "25 Tricks of the Trade."<br /><br />Those strategies include asking for help, using suicide emergency hotlines, having a crisis plan, gaining an understanding of your feelings, signing no-harm-to-self agreements, therapy, exercise and keeping a journal.<br /><br />The book also has important messages for family and friends of suicidal people. It includes letters from Blauner's family and friends describing their experiences and feelings when Blauner was actively suicidal.<br /><br />"Caregivers can see that they're not alone, and that it's OK to be angry and still love the person. It's OK to be confused. It's OK to not have all the answers," Blauner says.<br /><br />advertisement<br /><br /> <br />People who have lost a loved one to suicide can find some solace in the book and ease their guilt that they could have done more to prevent the suicide.<br /><br />"They see that, in that moment, there's such constricted vision and tunnel vision for the suicidal thinker that the rest of the world doesn't even exist. It's just you and this brain that's telling you that you want to be dead," Blauner says.<br /><br />Writing the book was a form of therapy for her.<br /><br />"It helped me make sense of why I had to struggle for 18 years. There's a reason for this. So now I can give back to the world so that someone else does not have to struggle."<br /><br />She says she'll donate 10 percent of any royalty profits from the book to the National Hopeline Network, Kristin Brooks Hope Center, a suicide prevention hotline.<br /><br />Blauner says she recently experienced an "epiphany" that suicidal thinking doesn't have to be a part of her life anymore.<br /><br />"I'm as healed as I can be in the moment," she says. "I'm pretty convinced that I'm never going to kill myself, but I can't say that those thoughts won't ever occur to me again in my life."<br /><br />Her life is now one of ongoing vigilance. For example, she has to ensure she doesn't create any undue stress that may trigger suicidal thoughts. Those stressors include such things as being tired and hungry.<br /><br />Blauner admits that suicide is still a difficult subject for people to discuss.<br /><br />"One of my goals is to really bust it out in terms of the stigma of mental illness, and just get people talking about it," she says.<br /><br />Each year in the United States, about 30,000 people commit suicide and there are about 730,000 suicide attempts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among college students and the third leading cause of death for people aged 15 to 24.<br /><br />The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or for a crisis center in your area, go here.<br /><br />RELATED LINKS AND INFO<br />Understanding and Helping the Suicidal Person<br />Depression: Understanding Thoughts of Suicide<br />Frequently Asked Questions About Suicide<br />Suicide in Youth: What You Can Do About It<br />All About Teen Suicide<br />The Suicide of Older Men and Women<br />Feeling Suicidal? How To Help Yourself<br />Reasons for Living Can Prevent Suicide During Depression<br />Psychotherapy in Treating the Chronically Suicidal Patient<br />Handling A Phone Call From A Suicidal Person<br />Suicide Facts, Suicide Statistics<br />Suicide Risk Runs in Families<br />High-Suicide Families Eyed By Genetic Scientists<br />Suicide: The Risk is Lifelong for Those Who've Tried It Once

suicidal thinking as an addiction

obsessive suicidal thoughts drove her to three drug overdoses and three confinements in psychiatric wards. Susan Rose Blauner knew the kille...

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the results of one codependent relationship ...

I don't believe Amedeo was ever again able to sleep soundly. There were times when he awoke in the middle of the night screaming and screaming with a voice neither of us recognized as his own. <br /><br />The excitation-patterns of abuse had been stamped into him for years. <br /><br />On another colourful occasion, I surreptitiously called the police. When they arrived, I begged them to commit Aldo, I was hysterical, quartered by grief. The two young blue-shirted men were mortified - so kind, and so completely impotent. My mother's signature was required for him to be committed and so the whole deal fell through. She wasn't signing anything. <br /><br />Aldo knew this. Exuberant in his supremacy, he then delivered one of his most extraordinarily insane monologues to the two men (his eyes rolling back into his head, the bolts in his neck turning, hair sprouting from his palms, lightning forking so dramatically in the background, a raven perched on each of his hunched shoulders, et cetera). <br /><br />Mother stood and gazed at all of us with minimal recognition, a deliriously and deliberately vacuous monster. She was dressed, I think, in lemon chiffon. New jewels, the usual four-inch-heeled mules. Her son's blood was on the wall (and on the tables, sinks, doors and her husband's hands), but this was irrelevant. Unpleasant truths had no place in her life. Reality was such a bore and anyway, it was nothing to do with her, nothing at all: it wasn't really happening, it was a dream. Her denial mechanism reduced all hate-crimes to a trick of light.

the results of one codependent relationship ...

I don't believe Amedeo was ever again able to sleep soundly. There were times when he awoke in the middle of the night screaming and scr...

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“When a codependent dies, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes!”

“Codependency is an emotional, behavioral, and psychological pattern of coping which develops as a result of prolonged exposure to and practice of a dysfunctional set of family rules. In turn, these rules make difficult or impossible the open expression of thoughts and feelings. Normal identity development is thereby interrupted; codependency is the reflection of a delayed identity development.”<br /><br />Though originally defined as a predictable response for the partner of a person suffering from chemical dependency, codependency is now recognized as a maladaptive strategy that people typically utilize, in their efforts to cope with a wide range of life stressors. Codependency is, essentially, an addiction to another person; the compulsive need to control that part of their life that is out-of-control. It has been said that “When a codependent dies, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes!”

“When a codependent dies, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes!”

“Codependency is an emotional, behavioral, and psychological pattern of coping which develops as a result of prolonged exposure to and pract...

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5,400,000 people in the United States alone who are suffering from alcoholism.

5,400,000 people in the United States alone who are suffering from alcoholism. 4,500,000 of them are males while 900,000 are females. (Encyclopedia Britannica) More than 55,000 people aged 15-29 across Europe die each year as a result of alcohol-related road accidents, poisoning, suicide and murders according to the World Health Organization. (European Public Health Alliance, Dec 2004) Again as with smoking the children of parents consuming alcohol are more likely to become victims of the ills of alcoholism. Fetal alcohol syndrome is well known for causing developmental disorders, mental retardation and birth defects in fetuses of women who consume alcohol during the course of their pregnancy. (Welch-Carre E, Adv Neonatal Care, Aug 2005) In a study by Rivara FP et al., the risk of homicide was shown to increase for non-substance-abusing persons living with other members who abused alcohol and drugs. (JAMA, Aug 1997) Studies by the Bowles Center for Alcohol Studies at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, indicate that about 15 percent of the US national health care budget is spent each year treating patients with alcohol related problems. In purely economic terms, alcohol-associated problems cost the society about $185 billion per year. In human terms, costs cannot be calculated. (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2001) Scientists believe that the presence of certain factors in an individual’s environment influence whether a person who is genetically at risk of alcoholism would ever develop the disease. The risk for developing alcoholism can increase depending on the person’s environment, including culture, economic status and living condition; family, friends, peer pressure; and accessibility of alcohol. A study by Noris J, from the University of Washington reports that: "both alcohol consumption and violent pornography have been implicated independently in the commission of sexual aggression. In addition to alcohol consumption, the presence of alcohol in the context of violent pornography may act as a permissive cue to influence judgments of such material's acceptability and self-reported likelihood of engaging in sexually violent behavior." (J Stud Alcohol Suppl. Sep 1993) In some developing countries the rich classes evening entertainment, means hours of intensive drinking. The quality and number of bottles consumed has become a symbol of status. The reason can be searched in sudden agricultural and economic development, resulting in cultural adaptation of western life style and the affluent attitude toward alcohol as a status symbol. (Dr. Gupta R, The Tribune, online edition, Apr 2002) Here the danger lies again for children who in imitating their parents and elders, fall into risky behaviors including alcohol, drugs, and sex. There is indeed a very high correlation between these three risky behaviors. The increasing reliance on television, alcohol, and gambling as the most common outlets for stress and tensions, and the predominant form of entertainment is a devastating social behavior with far reaching consequences.

5,400,000 people in the United States alone who are suffering from alcoholism.

5,400,000 people in the United States alone who are suffering from alcoholism. 4,500,000 of them are males while 900,000 are females. (Encyc...

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The effects of Porn addiction

Through internet, videos, cable television, satellite and magazines, pornography has become accessible to almost everyone. By its powerful appeal, pornography leads many into sexual addiction which has many harmful side effects. According to Ybarra ML, in a study about children and adolescence who, are exposed to pornography "those who report intentional exposure to pornography, irrespective of source, are significantly more likely to report delinquent behavior and substance use in the previous year. Further, online seekers versus offline seekers are more likely to report clinical features associated with depression and lower levels of emotional bonding with their caregiver" (J Psychosoc Nurs Ment Health Serv. Sep 2005) Another study by Frei et al, in Switzerland demonstrates the clear relationship of widespread access to pornographic materials on internet with the emergence of "deviant sexual fantasies in men with no previous record of any offences". (Swiss Med Wkly. Aug 2005) According the Maitse T, "There has been a failure to recognize that pornography degrades and disempowers women in the home, workplace, and broader society. Like prostitution, pornography contributes to the creation of an image of women as objects--a view that facilitates rape and domestic violence. The pornography industry both creates and feeds on men's need to control women". (Gend Dev. Nov 1998) In another study Dr. Victor Cline has described the progressive nature of addiction to pornography. Once addicted, a person’s carving for pornography becomes more frequent and more deviant. Becoming desensitized to the material, the individual does not get a thrill from a previously exciting material any longer. Eventually, all these together (increased craving and desensitization), forces many addicts to act out their fantasies on others. (New York: Morality in Media, 1999) Though no one seriously advocates the legalization of cocaine or heroin, however, somehow the pornography industry has managed to convince a large share of the population to accept that viewing porn is not only harmless, but is also a right. By ignoring pornography's true nature as highly addictive and destructive material, we are going to face seriously troubled times. According to Dr. Patrick Carnes, about 3-6 percent of Americans are sexually addicted. That is as many as 20 million people. (Sex Addiction Q&A, May 2005) Not being limited to individuals, however; the epidemic of pornography is one of the leading reasons for family breakdown today. Attending a meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2002, two-thirds of the divorce lawyers indicated that excessive interest in online porn did contribute to more than 50% of divorces they dealt with that year. They also added that pornography almost did not have a role in divorce about seven or eight year earlier. (PR Newswire, Nov 2002) The devastation is not limited to adults either. In an estimate, the US Department of Justice states that about nine out of 10 children of ages 8 to 16 have been exposed to online pornography

The effects of Porn addiction

Through internet, videos, cable television, satellite and magazines, pornography has become accessible to almost everyone. By its powerful a...

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Emotions Anonymous group and it's purpose.

Emotions Anonymous is ABOUT emotions and how I react, respond and deal with my emotional 'stuff', in particular how my life has become nearly unlivable due to my emotional 'dis-eases'. The Program of Emotions Anonymous is about how I can work this 12 Step Program to live one day at a time in better sanity and serenity.<br /><br /><br />The basis of my 'problem' is powerlessness over my emotions. Period. Not alchohol, not drugs, but my emotional responses to life. I may also have these addictions or compulsions as well, but my underlying issue is emotional. <br /><br />I personally have suffered from low grade depression most of my life although no one would guess it unless they knew me intimately. I have also had periods of anxiety and panic attacks so disturbing I was afraid to eat (anorexia), afraid to go outside (agorophobia) and other 'emotional' illnesses.<br /><br />The Program of Emotions Anonymous has helped me to become sane again.

Emotions Anonymous group and it's purpose.

Emotions Anonymous is ABOUT emotions and how I react, respond and deal with my emotional 'stuff', in particular how my life has beco...

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STEP 8 - "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all."

"Making amends helps us let go of the past. If we are wiling to make amends - and make them- we will be free to meet people and situations without fear. Our Higher Power will provide the opportunity for doing so."<br /><br />I was first on my list. I was so hard on myself I made my emotional pain and illness worse with my own recriminations, denial, frustration and self-loathing.<br /> <br />Honesty and acceptance were keys to Step 8 and taking some time...step 4 helped to make the list.<br /><br />There are so many ways to do a Step 8, it's worth checking with fellowship and or your sponsor. <br /><br />One exercise recommends 9 weeks - just with index cards....one for each person, institution etc. Put the name of each one of the cards than put them away or carry them for 30 days.<br />Without referring to the cards write about what will be the benefits of making these amends? Put this with the cards or carry this around with you.<br />After 30 days take out the cards and make a brief note on each why/what the amends needs to be - an apology, express appreciation, forgiveness, time, money, a change of attitude or other. Put them away again for another 30 days.<br />When you go back and look at the amends are there people who might be harmed by your amends? Are there people that really require an amends or is this just about you feeling guilty? If in doubt, check it out with EA fellow, sponsor, 5th step person. <br /><br />This step says we need only be willing. sometimes an amend cannot be made. Perhaps a specific amend can never be made - but we were willing to make it if it had been possible.

STEP 8 - "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all."

"Making amends helps us let go of the past. If we are wiling to make amends - and make them- we will be free to meet people and situati...

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selfhelp books for gamblers

Combo Book<br />Designed as an introduction to Gamblers Anonymous as well as the Recovery and Unity Programs. Is the most widely used piece of literature GA has, as it is read at almost all GA groups. Also, this is generally given freely to newcomers, to help them understand what GA is about. Contains the 20 Questions on pages 15 and 16. <br /> Sponsorship Manual<br />A question and answer format presented to help understand the concept of sponsorship as it applies to Gamblers Anonymous and the recovery process. An invaluable tool for those sponsoring someone as much as those seeking a sponsor.<br /> <br /> Towards 90 Days<br />This booklet is designed to help a compulsive gambler through the early days in the Fellowship. Contained within these pages, one will find practical advice that has been tried and tested down through the years by many compulsive gamblers. Also included within this booklet is an introduction to Gam-Anon, for those significant others involved with a compulsive gambler.<br /> <br /> Beyond 90 Days<br />This booklet, one of the newest pieces of literature introduced by Gamblers Anonymous, is for those who have been in the Fellowship more than 90 days - in some cases for many years. On the road of recovery, many obstacles confront compulsive gamblers. This booklet tries to confront some of those obstacles.

selfhelp books for gamblers

Combo Book Designed as an introduction to Gamblers Anonymous as well as the Recovery and Unity Programs. Is the most widely used piece of li...

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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general. <br />The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life, with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings. <br /><br />And the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with ourselves is a symptom of Spiritual dis-ease, of not being in balance and harmony with the universe, of feeling disconnected from our Spiritual source."

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

This dance of Codependence is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not ...

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Co-dependent people may also have difficulty owning their own feelings

Co-dependent people may also have difficulty owning their own feelings. While everyone experiences a wide range of feelings, co-dependent people tend to experience them in a way that completely overwhelms them. This is because their feelings may have been minimized in the past- possibly for years. To deal with this, they desperately begin to seek affirmation of their thoughts and feelings. In doing so, they begin to place more importance on other people's opinions than on their own. They have learned not to trust their own feelings, and eventually cannot even recognize them, since they are so accustomed to "feeling the way they 'should feel'" in certain situations.

Co-dependent people may also have difficulty owning their own feelings

Co-dependent people may also have difficulty owning their own feelings. While everyone experiences a wide range of feelings, co-dependent pe...

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Co-dependency can be called an other-addiction.

The other that they are addicted to may or may not be another person. If it is a person, they may or may not be chemically dependent. The co-dependent could be addicted to approval or affirmation of others. They could only be happy if others "make 'them feel happy. They also can be "If-only" addicted. If only XYZ would happen, then they think they will be happy. They are looking for people, things, or circumstances outside of themselves, or how others react to them to bring them happiness.

Co-dependency can be called an other-addiction.

The other that they are addicted to may or may not be another person. If it is a person, they may or may not be chemically dependent. The co...

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a "people pleaser" and will do almost anything to get the approval of others

Have a long history of focusing your thoughts and behaviour on other people. <br />Are a "people pleaser" and will do almost anything to get the approval of others. <br />Seem very competent on the outside but on the inside feel quite needy, helpless, or perhaps nothing at all. <br />Have experienced abuse or emotional neglect as a child. <br />Are outwardly focused towards others, and know very little about how to direct your own life from your own sense of self.

a "people pleaser" and will do almost anything to get the approval of others

Have a long history of focusing your thoughts and behaviour on other people. Are a "people pleaser" and will do almost anything to...

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I have many times taken pride in the fact that I am a "helper" with others, and I can easily postpone or deny my own needs.

Without even realizing that it is happening, I find myself focusing on others needs even at my own expense. <br />When it is my turn to receive help from others I usually decline, as I am uneasy when others focus their attention on me. <br />I have many times taken pride in the fact that I am a "helper" with others, and I can easily postpone or deny my own needs. <br />I feel the best about myself when I am giving advice and/or handling a crisis situation. <br />Many times I have waited for others to take care of me in return, only to discover that it is never my turn. <br />Sometimes I am so focused on one person that I can only think about that person and how to help them. <br />I take good care of my friends. Most people like me because of what I can do for them.

I have many times taken pride in the fact that I am a "helper" with others, and I can easily postpone or deny my own needs.

Without even realizing that it is happening, I find myself focusing on others needs even at my own expense. When it is my turn to receive he...

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She blames others for her unhappiness and problems, and feels that it's other people's fault that she's unhappy.

"The irony is that as much as a "codependent" feels responsibility for others and takes care of others, she believes deep down that other people are responsible for her. She blames others for her unhappiness and problems, and feels that it's other people's fault that she's unhappy.<br /><br />Another irony is that while she feels controlled by people and events, she herself is overly controlling. She is afraid of allowing other people to be who they are and of allowing events to happen naturally. An expert in knowing best how things should turn out and how people should behave, the codependent person tries to control others through threats, coercion, advice giving, helplessness, guilt, manipulation, or domination."

She blames others for her unhappiness and problems, and feels that it's other people's fault that she's unhappy.

"The irony is that as much as a "codependent" feels responsibility for others and takes care of others, she believes deep dow...

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The Roots of Addiction

A Matter of Control<br />Codependency, for others, doesn't express itself in a desire to control, but instead, in the need to be controlled by others. Because it is nearly impossible for Codependents to say "no" to people, they may find themselves the victims in physically and emotionally abusive relationships. They believe that if they can be good enough, or loving enough, they can change the other person's behavior. They sometimes blame themselves for the abusive behavior: "If only I had not forgotten to do the dishes, he would not have had to hit me."

The Roots of Addiction

A Matter of Control Codependency, for others, doesn't express itself in a desire to control, but instead, in the need to be controlled b...

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General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include:

It’s not okay to talk about problems <br />Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself <br />Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation <br />Be strong, good, right, perfect <br />Make us proud beyond realistic expectations <br />Don’t be selfish <br />Do as I say not as I do <br />It’s not okay to play or be playful <br />Don’t rock the boat.

General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include:

It’s not okay to talk about problems Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself Communication is best if indirect; o...

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society is addicted

There are some natural and healthy behaviors mothers do with children that look like codependency. Are people mutually interdependent on each other? Yes. There is perhaps a continuum of codependency, that most people might fall on. Maybe this continuum exists because so many people are taught not to be assertive, or to ask directly for their needs to be met? We probably can’t say though that everyone is codependent. Many people probably don’t feel fulfilled because of other things going on in the system at large. <br /><br /> society is addicted; the object of addiction isn't the important issue, but rather that the environment sets us up to be addicted to something, i.e. food, sex, drugs, power, etc.<br /><br />If that is true, then all of us are either addicts or codependents. From this perspective, society produces a pattern making it hard not to be codependent. But it still doesn’t change that we’re not getting what we need and we’re not feeling fulfilled. Then the question is, how do I become more fulfilled and feel better about myself and the life I’m living?

society is addicted

There are some natural and healthy behaviors mothers do with children that look like codependency. Are people mutually interdependent on eac...

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codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. <br /><br />Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.

codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally u...

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codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment. <br /><br />Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.

codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally u...

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living with an alcoholic or substance abuser

There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions. <br /><br />However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules. <br /><br />One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress.

living with an alcoholic or substance abuser

There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the resp...

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Treatment doesn’t work.

People who don’t like “addicts” or their lifestyle will often point out that relapse (“falling off the wagon”, resumption of drug use after treatment) occurs, so that the treatment must not have worked. We need to remember that relapse also occurs with other diseases (diabetes, cancer, hypertension, etc.), so this is a prejudicial view about dependence treatment.

Treatment doesn’t work.

People who don’t like “addicts” or their lifestyle will often point out that relapse (“falling off the wagon”, resumption of drug use after ...

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It is not possible to overdose on caffeine.

Actually, the human lethal dose of caffeine is around 10 grams. But you would have to drink about 100 cups of coffee to even have a chance of this happening!

It is not possible to overdose on caffeine.

Actually, the human lethal dose of caffeine is around 10 grams. But you would have to drink about 100 cups of coffee to even have a chance ...

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Stress causes “addiction”.

Research on this topic is incomplete, and we know that stress can trigger relapse in a recovering person. It appears that stress can increase the chances that a person who “has what it takes” can develop dependence, but stress alone is probably not a primary cause of the disease.

Stress causes “addiction”.

Research on this topic is incomplete, and we know that stress can trigger relapse in a recovering person. It appears that stress can increa...

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There is an “addictive personality”.

An addictive personality is presumably something that can be seen in young people that helps predict whether they will become “addicted” later in life. Scientists have not been able to find such a personality. Another definition of “addictive personality” is that people who are “addicted” tend to be “addicted” to everything. This is also not true, based upon the presumed neurochemical causes of dependence.

There is an “addictive personality”.

An addictive personality is presumably something that can be seen in young people that helps predict whether they will become “addicted” lat...

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Alcoholics can stop drinking – all they have to do is attend A.A. meetings.

The key word here is “all”. A.A. doesn’t work for everyone (even for many people who truly want to stop drinking). For most people, A.A. is a lifelong working of the twelve steps, and it’s often not easy. Scientists theorize that people who “get better” in A.A. somehow learn how to overcome (or compensate for) their brain disease.

Alcoholics can stop drinking – all they have to do is attend A.A. meetings.

The key word here is “all”. A.A. doesn’t work for everyone (even for many people who truly want to stop drinking). For most people, A.A. ...

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You cannot overdose on alcohol

. Alcohol has a lethal dose of around 24 ounces (1.5 pints) of 40% distilled spirits for a 70-kg (150-lb) male, when the beverage is drunk rapidly (within two hours or less). The mechanism of death is respiratory depression (cessation of breathing due to toxic effects of alcohol, or aspiration of - drowning on - one’s own vomit).

You cannot overdose on alcohol

. Alcohol has a lethal dose of around 24 ounces (1.5 pints) of 40% distilled spirits for a 70-kg (150-lb) male, when the beverage is drunk ...

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Beliefs

Milestones along life's highways necessitate acknowledgement. Fifty years of life seems to be one such occasion. An inventory taken at a specific time allows one to create an icon in time and space. None of us have the knowledge of time left to us or understand where we are in relationship to creation. All that seems to be indisputable is that we are a relatively young life form on the evolutionary scale of the universe. Given this fact it becomes reasonably evident that we are not fashioning a proficient method of living. When our thinking and acting are closely examined they appear to be deranged. Inordinate amounts of time and energy are used in the furtherance of ideals that are based on a number of basic delusions that to an extent effect every one of us. The delusions seem to revolve around unfounded fears dealing in fundamental terms with control and powerlessness faulty perspectives inherited from our primary caregivers who inherited them from there primary caregiver which retreat into the mists of time ad infinitum. These delusions seem to stem from a compulsive urge to control one's destiny and those surrounding you. These feelings stem from our obsessional beliefs in emotional security and financial security. This delusion is used to mitigate the inescapable fact that we all die and hence these obsession also die at the graveside. It is possible that these self same obsessions hasten that day.<br /> Perhaps it was my belief and actions in following the insane acts of materialism that forced me to reappraise my position in life. Slowly I came to believe that not only was I deranged so was everyone else with only one notable exemption, Jesus Christ who had been judicially murdered two thousand years previously for holding similar beliefs. This basic knowledge that started as a small germ infected me. It was this single germ of reason. The dawning belief in a twelve step program that unconditionally started to displace all my value systems. The only description of how I felt was as if I had become a full bucket of water My life felt as if it was being displaced as if an object the truth or truth objects were being dropped into it .The water it forced out by this displacement of the truth was stale, old and stinking half formed concepts Therefore this one simple act caused me to change over time all my old belief systems.<br /> So that one act could over time cause the total displacements of my materialistic beliefs. I came to believe that the only choice I had without alcohol was to be restored to sanity. I asked for explanations of life and death of creation and I received explanations that were reasonable and clear. These explanations would take me years to understand but they were given freely to me. When I asked for them. The trouble was I didn’t realise that derangement was a basic human condition that everyone was deranged the degrees of this insanity differed and could best be described as a common delusion that appeared to offer comfort to people who followed similar materialistic delusions. The false delusion that money, relationships would bring happiness on a permanent basis freely with no cost to the recipient seemed to be the delusion that fueled the compulsions and obsessions that attached themselves like a parasite to its host.<br />This belief in my own insanity was to cause me, still causes me immense pain caused by the weight and enormity of the burden that I had asked for restoration of some thing that had never existed before sanity, I had asked for life without delusion this I would now have believe to be an insane act and nevertheless there appears to be, over a period of fourteen years' answers and definitely a pattern of recovery that does not appear to relate to me. This form of recovery seems to have its own dynamics. However we live in a mislead society so where did these answers come from. It can only have been from the many distinct groups that I had joined. I did not know that the act of joining a group of people who struggled to resolve there emotional problems threw understanding the twelve step program and the participation within the group was the act that would alter my perception of people and consequently release me from the addictive dis-eases that had obsessed me here was the place that I could medicated my dysfunctional self-centredness of belonging to or owning other people the pain this caused me I self medicated with the abuse of alcohol. <br />The knowledge that I would truly understand that I was powerless over people and events inside my life was the act that would free me from a fundamental fallacy that I owned some form of power over other people. This fact was to allow me to stop the dysfunctional actions of trying constantly to control people, places and things inside my life where I falsely perceived I actually could exercise control, to constantly attempt to fit a square peg in a very round hole. I had to accept this or die, as long as I believed that I had control I would remain mislead living a lie. When I stopped drinking I was taking an action that was to make a profound change in my life. It uncovered my basic dysfunction that I shared with the rest of humanity but could not come to terms with, the wants and needs to control others in a wide variety of situations. Was this knowledge exclusive. I believe not but I believe the restoration process to be unique series of events. This has consolidated itself into a system of beliefs.<br /> Sanity, full possession of faculties, a normal mental condition. Yes, that is the definition of sanity but what is normal, and what had been normal before human being had become a materialist. I was about to find out. One thing I knew that my life had become highly abnormal. The weird and insecure life I lead was as if I had left the planet and I felt I had to be reinvented. To an extent I had I was living in a different country but living inside the same head .If I was to be reinvigorate who or what were my beliefs going to be. These beliefs arrived in many different ways carried by a host of differing people from priests to murderers.<br />The message is not complete, but the belief is. The belief is that within each and every person are the blue prints of the human race not only the blueprints but the plans for all creation. The god of genesis spread himself into creation this spreading is still taking place and instead of being at day seven of creation we are in fact at day three and half. We are all born with this enlightenment who ever we are, but we are taught to ignore this reality. The sad fact is that most people feel they’ve been robbed of something. THE SOUL IS OUR CONSCIOUSNESS. <br />Our ability of being able to communicate is the soul of god. How I have come to believe has been threw transference. My understanding is in attempting to communicate with other human beings using our internal voice. We are introduced to a God consciousness, a feeling of charity. These communications have proved to me that God is very much alive the problem is in interpreting the transmission in human terms, it's not to do with the exterior world. It's to about how we communicate with our interior world it's about how we talk internally with ourselves articulating with the external using two different languages.The language we talk to ourselves on the inside is not the same as our external communication, communicating with ourselves is not the same as communicating with others. Love thy neighbour takes on a whole different meaning if you examine this basic belief that we belong to one being that being is defused into the general population that’s right you’ve got it everyone and everything is god but its in the transmission of the communication that the miracle becomes apparent. There is only one communication and that is in the diffusion of god .God is not an all powerful being he is the sum of the parts much more of an inexact science . A being that is by its existence constantly changing and yet the messages it relays to humanity are constant over time and place. Incredibly simple yet in number as complex as the divergent actions that are dictated by people.Why should you think of another person as if it were yourself and why should you love that person. Full possession of faculties means wholeness a complete understanding of the parts and how they function I believe we are very close to this understanding and that co-dependency is an over or wrongly developed instinct to complete this action in an inappropriate way. Not wrong in itself but wrong in the obsessive nature in which it is inappropriately used. <br />This use can become pathological in that the recipient believes that the search method is the goal and not the means to that goal. That goal is the need to communicate with another person, a need to learn the language of love. A language of charity goodwill to all people because our essence is inside all people that essence is god of our understanding the unique creation. I use the word creation rather than creator as the action is constantly expanding.<br /> If I am correct that these communications are all important and that the interaction between the neurones in one persons brain is similar to the interaction in some one else’s brain then the communications that are taking place in one brain is similar to the transmissions in the other brains. As I understand the basic structure is simple . The neurones work in parallel inside the brain that is a single brain, but what happens then these neurones communicate in a larger scenario what happens, what do they create a chaos .Well yes sometimes, but not always. If the normal chit chat is stemmed the co-dependent chatter what is left is the underlying message which start to convey clearly .Well perhaps its the language of feelings the chemical language of the brain maybe the chemical surges of the charged neurones are the connection a language of the brain and when we communicate in this way we actual touch soul to soul . In practicable terms there is a different feeling to this form communication cleaner more simplistic. A feeling of peace and serenity.<br /> This transmission of feelings becomes a more exact science when it is practised in a group environment. It is in direct contrast to our usual masking process of attempting to guess what message the recipient requires and how we are to present this message to gain acceptance. This delusion or game that we attempt to play takes an inordinate amount of time, creativity and energy. The game that we play tends to deplete us because it takes immense amounts of attentioninal energy. The results always cause us a depletion of spiritual resources we always feel tired and apprehensive inasmuch as our perceived skills make us feel inadequate since they are based on our internal world attempting to falsify or present a untrue facade to our external world. Our attempts at guessing the results are inevitably wrong. This fact causes us to try ever harder to make our perceptions come true. The ability to arrest this compulsive form of behaviour releases us from the enigma of our past. The guilt and shame of not being able to control others actions or indeed there thoughts gradually leave us. This inbuilt feature of our life the need to indulge in codepenancy will constantly struggle to reawaken and needs perpetual monitoring. There appears to be scientific basis for my belief in the big bang theory of a higher power in the work of a Russian Semyon Kirklain. Who has found that the Kirlian effect a measurable bioplasma field that is attached to a large number of animate and inanimate objects, human ,animal, vegetable. This invisible energy field exists in parallel with the physical world. The argument is that whist objects are not alive they are all made from the same building blocks as everything else in the universe, including ourselves. According to the bigbang theory, all matter comes from the same common source, and therefore could share the same internal energy. Kirklain photography of the bioplasmatic fields can be reproduced in laboratory conditions, allowing serious analysis of the results.<br />There can be fluctuations in the energy fields that correlate to the spiritual health of the recipient object and imprinting appears to take place from one object to another. This would support my view of higher power force that is diffused within not only the population but amongst all created matter and that effects on this created matter are influenced by human ,animal and vegetable "feelings." Which either strengthen or weaken this field. Physical sickness, mental ill health and chronic dysfunctional behaviour have a negative price to be paid by this life force . Which lead to depressive illnesses a depression or lessening of this life force? This could mean that the brain actually produces a measurable effect in that the efficacy is measurable in its influence on others and the its environment either negatively or positively. <br />So much for the twentieth century my beliefs stem from the beginnings of time and I have come to believe that there have been specific messengers such as Bonhoffer in the more recent past. The messenger that I intuitively feel has more to say about co-dependency and its misuse is a thirty year old carpenter from Isreal. The message has stood the test of time but not the interpretation. The interpretations are clearly acknowledged by the gospel according to St Luke. Firstly Luke makes a strong connection between the first human being and Jesus. He also states that Jesus was self-possessed by the spirit after starving for forty days in a wilderness. At the end of this period Jesus totally abandons the world of materialism. He realises he will be deluded by accepting the false promises of the material world. The promise that more material wealth will bring spiritual growth."Turn stone to bread." Interestingly Jesus reply to this temptation is to answer that he is sustained by his communication with his spirit an internal communication renouncing external wish fulfillment.He was shown the habitable world in a twinkling of an eye this was an astonishing thing to say in Jesus time . Now with the advent of television and the computer internet its very simple to be shownthe habiable world in the twinkling of an eye . We are still told that it is possible to take possession of the material world or rather the best bits.Amazingly we still believe this deception which is pumped out in almost all advertising promotions .Jesus was expressly offered this delusion. The false premise that you can control everything. His temptation to use spiritual powers in the furtherance of a material life were renounced and his tempter stood off waiting to tempt him latter. In the terms of my belief it's the renouncement of co-dependency and the knowledge that it will return in many different appearances threw out my life that interest me. This renouncement of co-dependency by Jesus fills him with spiritual power. He directly shares this new found wisdom in the most public places. He speaks of transference with the spirit of god and that they can be free and fulfil the promises of the spirit. He says that first he had to heal himself and that spiritual messages primarily come to the outcast in Jesus' day the leper in twentieth century terms the H.I.V sufferer. Nobody in his own village wishes to hear his new found faith and they throw him out.<br />What's happened to this outcast carpenter that fills him with authority,ability,wieght and power. Where did this new found power come from . I believe that Jesus in the desert accomplished a perfect version of the twelve steps and I also believe that he was born far from complete it was the renouncing and rebuilding in the desert at around thirty years of age that gave him this power and authority. He stated that lepers had the communications from god. Why , because they were forced into a abandoning the material world. The material world hated lepers because they showed the delusions of life for what they were. False,Jesus proceed to do miracles. What are these miracles? casting out demons. He deals in a healing manner with the mentally ill.He communicates, shares directly with the illness, he facilitates health. The people get well on the basis of shared experience.What do we have in common he asks the mentally ill.After teaching or healing he has to retreat into solitude to be able to communicate with his inner self. He says over and over again you must be remade and reborn into the spiritual life it is not possible to hold on to partially formed concepts.

Beliefs

Milestones along life's highways necessitate acknowledgement. Fifty years of life seems to be one such occasion. An inventory taken at ...

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For some people Earth is where they really ought to spend their time. For others, perhaps the fantasy world is the only decent place available.

<div class="zemanta-img" style="text-align: left;"> <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Everyone_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="English: ESRB "Everyone" rating symb..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted zemanta-img-configured" height="186" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/05/Everyone_large.png/350px-Everyone_large.png" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="350" /></a></div> <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">When people spend dozens of hours weekly at their computers, or on the internet, or playing video games, it is almost certain that some other activities will suffer. The question is, when does this behaviour warrant the label 'addiction'? Addiction is a strong word, calling for both renunciation on the part of the subject and forceful intervention by others ... a behaviour becomes problematic when, and only when, it degrades other important things in life. A 60-hour-a-week compulsive EverQuest user who fails to speak to his own children when they come home from school is engaging in problematic behaviour. But consider the same user, living alone, with all his friends being online and in the game - is his devotion of time to cyberspace problematic? In the end we can only judge whether presence in the virtual world is good or bad by reference to the ordinary daily life of the person making the choice to go there. For some people Earth is where they really ought to spend their time. For others, perhaps the fantasy world is the only decent place available.</span>

For some people Earth is where they really ought to spend their time. For others, perhaps the fantasy world is the only decent place available.

When people spend dozens of hours weekly at their computers, or on the internet, or playing video games, it is almost certain that some ot...

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The Disease model of addiction

The Disease model of addiction is probably the most controversial and debated topic in the entire field of substance abuse/addiction. One would have to be well informed on the subject to even attempt to understand the controversy intelligently. This site will not claim to know for sure one way or the other (disease/not disease) but will present a little of both sides of the on going debate with in the professional circles. <br />First, we must accurately define Disease, since when the word disease is mentioned most think of something like cancer, aids, heart, etc., something which can be isolated in part and extracted from the body and visibly viewed and observed by the eye under a microscope or other apparatus. This is not the case with the "disease of alcoholism/addiction" or at least not at this time. <br />According to Webster's Dictionary disease is defined as follows:<br />"Disease: Any departure from health presenting marked symptoms; malady; illness; disorder." Then we must go on to define concept as well, which according to Webster's is: "Concept: A notion, thought, or idea." <br /><br />This popular model of addiction is credited to E.M. Jellinek who presented a comprehensive disease model of alcoholism in 1960. The World Health Organization acknowledged alcoholism as a serious medical problem in 1951, and the American Medical Association declared alcoholism as a treatable illness in 1956. Following Jellinek's work, the American Psychiatric Association began to use the term disease to describe alcoholism in 1965, and the American Medical Association followed in 1966. <br />As with many concepts and theoretical models in the addiction field, the disease concept was originally applied to alcoholism and has been generalized to addiction to other drugs as well. The "disease of addiction" is viewed as a primary disease. That is, it exists in and of itself and is not secondary to some other condition. This is in contrast to the psychological model of Dual Diagnosis , which addictive behavior is seen as secondary to some psychological condition. <br /><br />Arguments Against the Validity of the Disease Concept <br />As earlier stated, the disease concept is controversial and not without critics. Two well-known critics are Stanton Peele and Herbert Fingarette, both of whom have written books, as well as articles disputing the disease concept of addiction. <br /><br />Since the disease concept is attributed to Jellinek, a lot of criticism has been directed at his research, which was the basis for his conclusions about the disease concept. Jellinek's data were gathered from questionnaires that were distributed to AA members through its newsletter, "The Grapevine". Of 158 questionnaires returned, 60 were discarded because members had pooled and averaged their responses, and no questionnaires from women were used. <br />Jellinek himself acknowledged that his data was limited. Therefore, one might wonder why Jellinek's concept of the disease of alcoholism received such widespread acceptance. One reason is that the disease concept is consistent with the philosophy of AA, which is by far the largest organized group dedicated to help for alcoholics. Secondly, as Peele noted: <br />"The disease model has been so profitable and politically successful that it has spread to include problems of eating, child abuse, gambling, shopping, premenstrual tension, compulsive love affairs, and almost every other form of self-destructive behavior... From this perspective, nearly every American can be said to have a disease of addiction." <br />Herbert Fingarette goes on to state that the alcohol industry itself contributes to forming a public perception of alcoholism as a disease, as a marketing ploy: <br />"By acknowledging that a small minority of the drinking population is susceptible to the disease of alcoholism, the industry can implicitly assure consumers that the vast majority of people who drink are not at risk. <br />This compromise is far preferable to both the old temperance commitment to prohibition, which criminalized the entire liquor industry, and to newer approaches that look beyond the small group diagnosable as alcoholics to focus on the much larger group of heavy drinkers who develop serious physical, emotional, and social problems."<br />There are many other criticisms of the disease concept, however we will not go in to them at this time. Instead we will review some of the evidence to support the disease concept.<br />Arguments Endorsing the Disease Concept <br />Since the introduction of the disease concept research studies have examined a possible genetic link in alcoholism/addiction. One such study demonstrates that the offspring of alcoholics are approximately three to five times more likely to develop alcoholism than offspring of non-alcoholics . <br />However, the genetic influence on other drug addiction has received less research attention. Also, in 1983, there was a popular theory of alcohol addiction expressed by D.L. Ohlms in his book "The Disease Concept of Alcoholism" that proposed that alcoholics produced a highly addictive substance called THIQ during the metabolism of alcohol. <br /><br />THIQ<br />is normally produced when the body metabolizes heroin and is supposedly not metabolized by non-alcoholics when they drink. According to Ohlms, animal studies have shown that a small amount of THIQ injected into the brains of rats will produce alcoholic rats and that THIQ remains in the brain long after an animal has been injected. Therefore, the theory is that alcoholics are genetically predisposed to produce THIQ in response to alcohol, that the THIQ creates a craving for alcohol, and that the THIQ remains in the brain of the alcoholic long after the use of alcohol is discontinued. <br />This would provide a physiological explanation for the fact that recovering alcoholics who relapse quickly return to their previous use patterns. More recent research on genetic causes of alcoholism has focused on some abnormality in a dopamine receptor gene and deficiencies in the neurotransmitter serotonin or in serotonin receptors. <br /><br />As you can see from the above information there is still room for debate and the controversy continues.

The Disease model of addiction

The Disease model of addiction is probably the most controversial and debated topic in the entire field of substance abuse/addiction. One wo...

Read more »